stillbirth

‘Good thing you didn’t get attached.’ He wasn’t a puppy. Jensen was my child, my sweet baby. I’ll always be attached.’: Mother recalls rude comments she’s heard since her son was stillborn, ‘Do not compare anything to losing a child’

“‘Isn’t it time for you to be moving on?’ No. I will never move on. My child died, it’s not like I lost an earring. You don’t just pick up and move on to the next thing. ‘God wanted him more.’ This did not comfort me. My doctor said this. He didn’t call Jensen a him, he actually said, ‘God wanted it more.’ My son is not an it.”

‘You’re only 19 weeks, it’s too early.’ I was scared to hold him. But THAT was love at first sight.’: Woman’s baby born still after years of infertility, ‘he has changed my life, even when he is not here’

“’How far along are you? You aren’t due til November!’ My mom thought I was playing a trick on her, but she could see I’d been crying. My worst fear had come true. I knew I’d hate myself if I never took any photos, so I took an abundance. I needed to have that for my son. The worst part? Knowing it was the first and last time I’d ever hold him again.”

‘Why weren’t we told this sooner? Obviously they suspected brain bleeds. Why didn’t we know?’: Newborn suffers brain bleeds in-utero, defies all odds to survive, ‘he’s leaving a trail of middle fingers behind him for the naysayers’

“My husband arrived just seconds before the doctor said, ‘He is out!’ I was certain he had died. I couldn’t stop shaking while they stitched me up. But he was perfect, with a surprising amount of thick, dark hair. ‘There’s a high likelihood he’ll never walk or talk.’ They asked if we wanted to stop life-saving measures. We stood our ground. He’d be our ‘wayfinder.’ We trusted he’d tell us in his own way if things became too much, and it was time to stop fighting.”

‘I placed him in a box, handing him off to a stranger. ‘I love you, Ren,’ I whispered to my son.’: Father tearfully recalls needing to be the ‘superhero’ after losing newborn, ‘I began to break’

“As my wife looked at his little face, she asked me to hand her a wet washcloth. Confused, I then watched as she began to softly dab his little dried up lips. She nurtured and cared for our little boy’s fragile body. I have so much gratitude to this woman. How strong she is. Not only did she say hello to our son for the first time, but soon, she was going to be forced to say goodbye. The thought haunted me.”

‘Am I really going to be a dad?’ He smiled. ‘You aren’t mad?’ We were too young to have kids.’: Mom suffers PTSD after son is stillborn, ‘they couldn’t find anything wrong’

“He sat on the couch next to me. HE STARTED CRYING! As soon as I stepped on the linoleum, I felt a HUGE gush! A puddle of bright, red blood. His face turned white, his eyes were huge. ‘Has he moved at all today? Could you feel him?!’ I felt my heart shatter. I had one job. All I had to do was keep my baby safe. This can’t be real, it’s a nightmare. ‘Taylor…I’m so sorry.’ We studied him so we wouldn’t forget anything. He was perfect. It actually surprised me.”

‘Is she your only one?’ Awkward silence. ‘Nope. She has an older brother. He died.’: Mother of stillborn son’s candid response to strangers’ prying questions, ‘He should be here’

“My daughter and I went to the mall. She was waving at everyone. It prompted an older couple to strike up a conversation. ‘She’s so cute and friendly,’ they told me. ‘How old is she? She’s big for her age!’ Then the inevitable question was asked. I just thought, ‘How do I get myself out of this conversation?’ I wonder what would happen if I just said, ‘My son died,’ then walked away.”

‘I was scared she’d die. They said it’s ‘new mom jitters.’ I didn’t want to be the ‘depressed, baby-less mom’: Mother experiences postpartum depression, PTSD after first son born still, ‘I was hiding it well’

“I was losing clumps of hair. I assumed it was stress because we just moved for my husband’s job. My doctor asked about my children. She was the first doctor who actually had a conversation with me. Then she dropped a bomb. ‘I’m prescribing you an anti depressant.’ I left the appointment bawling. ‘Who does she think she is!? She didn’t know everything I’ve been through!'”

‘I flat out asked, ‘Would I be able to take my own photos during my C-section?’ She looked puzzled.’: Woman photographs her own C-section after losing baby in same OR last year, ‘That is empowering as hell’

“Mike shouted, ‘It’s a boy!’ I was clicking away, fighting back tears, trying to see my new babe, focus my camera. This was a surreal experience. Just 371 days before, in the exact same OR, our little Clark was also pulled out at this exact same spot. But there was no crying, no excited cheers, no shouts of ‘it’s a boy!’ He was born still. We knew our Clark sent this little one from heaven to be with us. Teddy’s birth was not only empowering, it was incredibly healing, too.”

‘He had curly blond hair, a perfect nose, pouty lips. They told me he was beautiful. I didn’t get to see.’: Mother survives ‘worst trauma’ after losing newborn son, insists daughter will grow up knowing big brother is ‘watching over her’

“I made the decision not to see and hold Jensen. It’s one of my biggest regrets I’ll ever have in my life. Honestly, I didn’t know how I could do it. I didn’t realize the permanence of him being really gone. Instead, I asked for a lock of his hair, and for them to take pictures of him. I wish I could go back to that moment, spend time kissing him. I wish I could’ve whispered in his ear, ‘I love you.’”

‘Where did you get these?’ I knew. ‘Ren’s nursery.’ He didn’t realize how serious I was. ‘Put them back.’: Wife unexpectedly triggered by husband’s attempt at act of kindness, ‘It was all downhill from there’

“We ran out of toilet paper and Tommy was supposed to go to the store. Irritated, I asked him to get me something to use. Maybe a paper towel? He finally walks in holding a pack of wipes. They were a very specific kind, Huggies all-natural wipes. I started tearing up. ‘Put them back, please.’ He laughed and insisted I used them. He didn’t realize how serious I was until I started bawling. Something in his room was now out of place.”

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