stillborn

‘I can’t find a heartbeat.’ I fell from the gurney, slamming my head. She cradled me like the baby I knew I would never get to keep.’: Woman gives birth to son born sleeping, ‘It is excruciating’

“She frantically scanned, her voice trembling, ‘I’m sorry.’ I covered my face and just sobbed. I kept screaming to get her to try again. I can’t even begin to describe what it is like to know you are going to give birth to a dead baby. I tickled his button nose that matched mine. I was in complete awe.”

‘I don’t want to, please don’t make me do this.’ I begged them to knock me out and cut me open.’: Woman gives birth to baby born sleeping, ‘I wondered if I’d ever pull myself out of the darkness’

“As soon as the wand hit my belly, we all knew. ‘I’m so sorry.’ In one breath, she let us know I needed to make my way up to Labor and Delivery. I’d already lost 2.5 liters of blood and it was not slowing down. I turned to my mom and said, ‘I am just so tired, all I want to do is sleep.’ I heard one of the doctors say, ‘We WILL NOT take her uterus’ and then I was out. The next thing I knew, I was waking up. The nurse handed him to me. Perfectly formed with 10 fingers and toes, no heartbeat.”

‘When are you going to try again?’ I was still unable to wipe after going to the bathroom. My baby was being reduced to nothing but a ‘try.’: Couple births second daughter one year after first is stillborn, ‘I already WAS a mother’

“As my belly grew, I began being asked the ‘Is this your first?’ question by anyone, from the cashier at Target to the waitress while out for dinner. My answer was, ‘No, this is my second. My first child died.’ You could tell by the uncomfortable look on their faces that my response was always unexpected, met with pity and also toxic positivity. I already WAS a mother.”

‘Can’t you just cut him out?’ It hit me. I have to give birth to my dead son. He was so beautiful.’: Mom ‘didn’t get a conclusive reason’ for child’s death, ‘the autopsy showed a perfectly healthy, fully formed baby boy’

“He had big hands and feet, chubby little cheeks, a perfect button nose, bright red lips and a little dimple chin. My fiancé burst into tears. ‘I’m absolutely heartbroken.’ We both were. The last words I said to our beautiful boy were, ‘You are absolutely perfect, our darling boy. We are so lucky to be your mommy and daddy. We love you so much.’ We didn’t get a conclusive reason for Ari’s death. The autopsy showed a perfectly healthy baby boy.”

‘I know you can get through this.’ This nurse was the age of my mother. She embraced me in a warm hug, and peace came over me.’: Mom recalls heartbreak as first son is born still, ‘he would’ve been an amazing human’

“The doctor was holding a box of tissues. I let out the most piercing wail. I was inconsolable. I asked my husband, ‘Can we pray?’ It was the only time I saw him break down. We both buckled at the knees. I was lead back to a corner room at the end of the hallway. A nurse was there. ‘I am sorry for your loss.’ My son had an aura around him, an angelic light radiating behind him.”

‘Are you serious? I’m going to be a dad!’ Then all of it was gone, just gone! I tried to stay strong, but all I could do was cry.’: Dad emotionally recalls pain of stillborn son, ‘My heart was full knowing I got to hold my little boy’

“I had just come home from working a 12-hour shift. ‘How are you feeling? How’s the baby?’ She said her back was hurting, but we weren’t really worried. I woke up to Taylor yelling for me from the bathroom. I ran to see her kneeling by the toilet with blood on the floor. ‘We need to get to the hospital, quick!’ I had no idea what was going on. We jumped in the car. I was scared, but I didn’t want her to know. He was such a beautiful boy.”

‘How the hell did I end up here?’ It took me months to say, ‘My child died.’ We hung her stocking. I’m finally ready.’: Mom celebrates stillborn during holidays for surviving twin to know ‘her sister’s spirit is with her for her lifetime’

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve answered, ‘How are you?,’ with a forced, fake, ‘Hanging in there!’ just to make the conversation easier. We hung her Christmas stocking on the mantle this year. I am painfully aware that on Christmas morning, that stocking will hang empty as the others burst with gifts. ‘Why me? Why our family?’ But for now, we honor her absence. I am finally ready.”

‘Good thing you didn’t get attached.’ He wasn’t a puppy. Jensen was my child, my sweet baby. I’ll always be attached.’: Mother recalls rude comments she’s heard since her son was stillborn, ‘Do not compare anything to losing a child’

“‘Isn’t it time for you to be moving on?’ No. I will never move on. My child died, it’s not like I lost an earring. You don’t just pick up and move on to the next thing. ‘God wanted him more.’ This did not comfort me. My doctor said this. He didn’t call Jensen a him, he actually said, ‘God wanted it more.’ My son is not an it.”

‘You’re only 19 weeks, it’s too early.’ I was scared to hold him. But THAT was love at first sight.’: Woman’s baby born still after years of infertility, ‘he has changed my life, even when he is not here’

“’How far along are you? You aren’t due til November!’ My mom thought I was playing a trick on her, but she could see I’d been crying. My worst fear had come true. I knew I’d hate myself if I never took any photos, so I took an abundance. I needed to have that for my son. The worst part? Knowing it was the first and last time I’d ever hold him again.”

‘Why weren’t we told this sooner? Obviously they suspected brain bleeds. Why didn’t we know?’: Newborn suffers brain bleeds in-utero, defies all odds to survive, ‘he’s leaving a trail of middle fingers behind him for the naysayers’

“My husband arrived just seconds before the doctor said, ‘He is out!’ I was certain he had died. I couldn’t stop shaking while they stitched me up. But he was perfect, with a surprising amount of thick, dark hair. ‘There’s a high likelihood he’ll never walk or talk.’ They asked if we wanted to stop life-saving measures. We stood our ground. He’d be our ‘wayfinder.’ We trusted he’d tell us in his own way if things became too much, and it was time to stop fighting.”

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