“I was bombarded with numerous questions. ‘What were you wearing?’ ‘Did you make them think you wanted it?’ ‘Why were you walking by yourself?’ For years, I recoiled at anything that made me feel sexy.”
‘Look at that fine a**.’ He followed me down the sidewalk. I felt that familiar tension in my chest and a knot in my throat. I was disgusted by my own skin.’
‘I was belittled and embarrassed. There were 2 men who thought it was acceptable to be rude to me because they had previously ‘Spoken to my husband.’
“Today, I had to take my car to the local dealership for a service issue. Having dealt with one of these ‘old school’ thinking men at that location before, I hoped I would have the good fortune of not having to see him today. I was wrong.”
‘Take your shirt off!’ Instead of helping her, they pointed or laughed. She said, ‘I don’t want him to feel how he made me feel.’
“Her spine was collapsing. Her ‘best friend’ no longer wanted to talk to her. She lost the ability to sit up, walk, or do anything herself.”
‘I kept my pregnancy a secret. I knew coming home from the war would be tough, but I expected him to be a better father. He started drinking and blaming me.’
“I was working full time, coming home to a 2-year-old, while his dad played video games. My initial thought was ‘How??’ I saved the test to show their father. But that never happened. So I sent him a message. Straight to the point. ‘I’m pregnant.’ He packed all of his stuff, and was just gone.”
‘That girl wears so much makeup, she must be high maintenance. She’s pretty, so she’s dumb. I see an awful lot of claws out.’
“Growing up, I was often complimented that I was ‘not like other girls’. I loved to play sports, crack jokes and hang out with my brother’s friends. I put my hair in a pony tail and wore blue jeans. And I wasn’t like other girls. Because other girls were… Hmm. I don’t know, exactly.”
‘I bet all the girls at school have a crush on you,’ he said. He tore a receipt and wrote his phone number down. I walked out of my front door on a school night and hopped in his car.’
“My mom was distracted when he passed the information to me and said, ‘I would love to help you figure out what you want to do when you grow up.’ Then my mom chimed in about how great I was at sales. That was his siren. That was his bridge. That was his free ticket.”
‘At first, Mickey’s grooming was very subtle. I knew it was something I just had to deal with. He granted me a new home and this was my life now.’
“When I cut my hair short she said, ‘Only old women and dykes have their hair short.’ There is no doubt in my mind that any disclosure would have only solidified her disgust with me.”
‘I had one job: protect my children. The next day he was gone and there was no way to get him back. I felt myself slipping away from reality.’
“On my son’s birthday, I laid on the floor, belly-down, with my hands on my chest to force myself not to hyperventilate. Minutes later, I rejoined the party with a smile on my face. ‘I am fine,’ I told myself.”
‘It was like bringing up a child to die.’ I still had no diagnosis. The nurse checked if my skin was salty to confirm her suspicions.’
“I was rushed to the hospital into intensive care. I was not expected to survive, but luck seemed to be on my side. The nurse who was caring for me suspected what it was – her daughter also had it.”
‘I was over 600 pounds. I feared my wife would find me dead of a heart attack. I had two choices: lose weight or die.’
“I couldn’t walk more than a few hundred feet. People avoided me in public, as if being overweight was contagious. One parent used me as a lesson for their kid. ‘Look at him. This is what happens when you don’t eat right,’ she said.”
