strollin with my homies

‘AND I told them about your beehive!,’ he blurts out. Y’all, like a child caught red handed. He confessed to everything.’: Mom pens hilarious open letter to the nosy neighbor who called 911 on her beehive

“To my surprise, a cop was just pounding on our door. Someone called about our garbage cans being by the garage door. THE AUDACITY!! I said, ‘Oh my God! TOTALLY fine, I’m sorry.’ But then I was also like, ‘Waiiiiit a sec… screw whoever called on us!’ Ok, Petty Boop. Come to my house and knock on the door – we all know each other VERY well. Then out of NO WHERE, the officer says, ‘That’s a big beehive you got there!’ I felt like someone noticed my but looked good. I love that thing so much. ‘OMG ISN’T IT AMAZING?!’ Then it clicked. How DARE you!”

‘Oh… My… Gosh… that’s a dong.’ CAN Y’ALL BELIEVE THIS?! My daughter is on a giant red rocket!’: Mom in hysterics after spotting innocent daughter on penis-looking playground structure at recess

“I can’t wait to see what my angelic 5-year-old is up to today. I open the album titled ‘recess’ and OH MY GOSH – There. She. Was. IN ALL HER GLORY. I immediately called my husband. WHO DESIGNED THIS PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT?! I am cryyyyiinnngg. This is not a drill. I repeat… this is NOT a drill.”

‘Hi, my name is Mom. I feel like a ghost walking through the aisles, completely unseen and unheard. I roam around lost secretly hoping someone will ask me if I need help just so I can interact with them.’

“My girlfriends still call, most of them don’t have kids yet. I try to be the old me, the one with a name. I’m getting tugged on, sucked on, and yelled at while trying to listen to their weekend plans. I remember those. I beg them to keep asking me to hang out even though I know I won’t be able to come. Hi, my name is Mom.”

 Share  Tweet