sudden death

‘We were forced into an abortion. ‘Don’t hold her too close. Your warmth and heartbeat will confuse her into staying alive.’ We were left alone with our baby as the staff waited for her die.’

“I was given 2 tablets. At 3:43 p.m., I delivered a baby girl. The image seared in my mind is of her little arm stretching into the air. She was alive. ALIVE. Surely, the nurse wasn’t going to let her die, right? But as our girl fought to stay alive, nobody on staff seemed to care.”

‘The day my baby died, I won tickets to build her a bear. ‘Can I still use them even though she passed?’ Their response? ‘No. The guest must be present.’ My heart shattered in a million pieces.’

“It felt like the perfect thing to do in order to honor and remember her. All I wanted was my baby back. I wanted to be like all the other moms who get to cuddle and snuggle their baby after they are born. A simple no would’ve been okay, but their words felt like a stab to the heart.”

‘I rose as normal and glanced at the clock. ‘Let me wake her and change her diaper.’ I drop to my knees. 911 operator: ‘Whats your emergency?’ I scream, ‘My baby’s not breathing!’

“I desperately breathe air into my child. Medics rush in. Suddenly, I hear voices, machines. I’m listening for that cry I know. Everything pauses. They wrap her in a soft white blanket, slowly walking towards me as if presenting a gift. I push back, pleading with tears. I beg the doctors to try just a little longer.”

‘My mother traded my sister for a shotgun and pickup truck. I didn’t see her again for 35 years. One day, I got the clever idea to place an ad in the local newspaper. In 1 month, I got THE call.’

“We met at a run-down cafe and I asked all the questions that burned inside me. I was sitting directly across from her. This time, she couldn’t ignore me. I secretly hoped my suspicions were wrong, but the realistic side of me always said, ‘April, why else would she have stayed away?'”

‘I heard him reach the bedroom and scream. ‘There’s something wrong with the baby!’ I grabbed her and started touching her face, opening her mouth. ‘WHAT? How is that even possible?’

“I remember opening my balcony door and screaming. People across the street stared up at my window while Nick ran into the field to help the paramedics find us. I rode to the hospital, holding Jaymie-Leigh wrapped in her Peppa Pig blanket. I just stared, hoping and praying she would just look up and smile at me.”

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