suicidal thoughts

‘A bartender who doesn’t drink? You can’t be good at this.’ These bottles nearly killed me.’: Confessions of a sober bartender after she almost lost her life to alcoholism

“Customers get offended when I politely decline a shot. I normally get an eye roll with a response like, ‘I don’t trust a bartender who doesn’t drink.’ Here is my answer. Alcohol nearly killed me. I was a ‘drink til I fall off my barstool’ type of drinker. Hell, I could be taking a tequila shower and I still wouldn’t change my mind.”

‘I was not a virgin. BUT I was in my own home. I took my rape and buried it. For 21 years.’: Teenager raped at her own party in high school says she was a ‘broken spirit,’ but learned to ‘survive, be strong’

“When I was 18, I threw a party at my house. I convinced my parents I was grown enough to stay home alone. Enter the sweaty keg in the living room that left a ring on the floor permanently. And the collection of teddy bears my mom kept in the living room drowned in the pool. It was devastating. That night I drank too much and let people I thought were friends, destroy parts of my childhood.”

‘At 13, there was blood on the counter, a strange calm on my mom’s face. She tried to get help.’: Woman candidly shares effects of mother’s suicide, reminds us ‘healing comes in waves’

“I’ve been to my mom’s grave twice. In 20 years. You won’t find a single photo of her in my home. I know this wasn’t her fault. It doesn’t change the effects her illnesses have had on me. None of it changes that her 60th birthday is not a birthday at all, because she is dead. I want to honor her, I really do. But I can’t face the woman who tried to break me.”

‘Which way did he go?’ This was our great escape. My dad was a monster. I was sworn to secrecy.’: Woman credits foster parents for ‘saving’ her through ‘dark times,’ battling suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, Bipolar disorder

“My friend asked if I wanted to stay the night. I couldn’t, but asked if she wanted to stay at my house. Before I could even finish, she told me ‘no.’ I shrugged it off, no big deal. A week later, she saw my whole family. That’s when I recognized the fear in her eyes. She had not seen my stepdad since then.”

‘Your family is better off without you. You are incompetent, unworthy, and a failure.’: Mom experiences severe depression, says treating it doesn’t make you ‘weak’

“This wasn’t your regular mom-loses-her-crap-sometimes type of situation. I was completely defeated and demoralized. I would snap at them for almost no reason. My kids started apologizing every time they asked me a question because they were worried I was going to get upset for bothering me. I didn’t feel like I needed help. I was wrong.”

‘We had a big fight. I took a bath to rinse off the negative energy. You wrote your goodbye letter.’: Woman loses veteran husband to suicide, ‘you were excited for our baby to be born, you didn’t make it this far’

“I heard our bedroom door shut. I thought you were just going to shower. I tried to find my phone and heard your body hit the floor. You were struggling. I ran upstairs, the door was locked. I tried to kick it in. ‘How the hell do people do this?!’ Throwing my body into the door, I begged you with all of my might to let me in.”

‘No one can take this pain away, so I must take it away myself. Lay me next to my daughter.’: Mom speaks candidly of ‘suicidal thoughts’ in wake of stillbirth, ‘I wouldn’t wish this on anyone’

“There are no visible wounds, but the pain courses through my entire being. I breathe in through my nose, blow out of my mouth. I’m alive, but being alive without my daughter hurts. I can’t wipe the tears away. It’s too much effort. I can’t move, even if I wanted to. I don’t want to pee. Eat. Shower. Brush my teeth. I see my dad’s face, and he wants me here. To hold on. To live.”

‘I stumbled on my dad’s porn. The girl was young, like me. In shock, I watched the man on TV do the things that happened to me.’: Child sexual abuse survivor says there’s always ‘light waiting to wrap you up’

“My dad went downstairs to get ready for work. When he didn’t come up, we figured he was asleep. At 9 a.m. my mom’s screams pierced every cell in my body. I turned the corner and saw his body. He was exposed, sitting in his chair in front of naked women running across TV, his lifeless eyes staring at the ground. ‘How could you die like this, dad?’ I tied his robe closed, called 911, and ran outside. My hero was not who I thought he was.”

‘The weird looks. Names. Disgust. Laughter. Violence. I just couldn’t fit in.’: Woman with Congenital Melanocytic Nevus claims ‘beauty is diversity,’ learns to love her ‘endless birthmarks’

“Before I could prove myself, they already knew what they thought of me. Judgement straight away. To be honest, nothing feels more discouraging than not even getting a chance. Over the years, teachers just accepted the bullying. I can’t even remember how many times my parents spoke to the principal, but I’ll always remember him saying, ‘We don’t care.’ I was alone, scared, broken. It was my son that got me through the worst. When everyone else left me alone, he always offered a home to my soul.”

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