suicidal

‘I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t wake up.’ I was starving for love, I wanted to be someone’s whole universe.:’ Young woman with Borderline Personality Disorder describes issues with love and boundaries, says she is fighting and working on ME’

“I started crying a lot and cutting myself. I began smoking cigarettes and drinking. I was stoned all the time. I still missed my father. Every time I saw him in town, he walked away. He ignored me, pretending I didn’t exist. And he still does, and has for 11 years.”

‘I look at my kids and tell myself, ‘Their life would be better without me.’ I push away my partner. I feel my life spiral away.’: Mom shares candid reality of manic depression, urges ‘you are not alone’

“I use what little energy I have for my job and my children. By the end of the day, I can’t sleep. I can’t be productive. I want nothing more than to lie in the dark. I give myself a pep talk to finally brush the knots out of my hair. Some days, I look in the mirror and cry. Then comes the mania. Like today, I’ll clean like crazy. Take a nice, long shower. I’ll play extra long with the kids and message all the people my depression kept me from. All while wondering when depression will strike again.”

‘My birth mom did cocaine while pregnant. I was hooked before I was even born. ‘Don’t stop,’ my boyfriend told me. I listened.’: Woman overcomes life-long battle with addiction, ‘Sober is sexy!’

“I knew they would reject me if I said no. ‘Sure, I’ll try it.’ I made a fool of myself. My ‘friends’ loved it. They bragged about me at school, about how cool I was. It was a thrill to be accepted for once. I didn’t know it was for the wrong reasons. It got to the point where I was homeless, using drugs to try to overdose. But it never worked. Every morning, I would wake up, cry, and tell myself it was the last time I was going to take drugs. But every night I would use again, trying to kill myself. Every day, and every night.”

‘Karen didn’t make it.’ My heart dropped. The day I planned to kill myself, I lost my friend to a motorcycle wreck.’: Man battling suicide vows to ‘keep going’ after friend’s unexpected death

“I went to work like normal. I put on my ‘happy face.’ Nobody knew what I planned to do after my shift. Living alone, I didn’t have anyone to stop me this time. When I went back to the service desk, the phone rang. I could tell Pam had been crying. ‘She didn’t make it.’ I fell up against the wall. I couldn’t breathe or swallow. I had to break the news to my co-workers. That night, I sat on my porch. I blurted out, ‘I don’t want to die anymore.’ As soon as I said it, this huge amount of pressure was just taken off of my chest. I had to keep going.”

‘Are you ok? You’re bleeding.’ He turned to me with the scariest eyes. ‘You want to see blood? I’ll show you blood.’: Woman embraces Bipolar disorder, ‘Life isn’t easy, but I’m living it to the fullest!’

“My stepdad screamed at me to call my dad and demand money. I said no. He started smashing the phone on the kitchen table. In my little pajamas, I ran for blocks without stopping and just hid. After my parents lost their jobs, there wasn’t enough money for drugs. I was scared to go home. The school knew, but did nothing. I was ‘trouble’ and wasn’t allowed to hang out with any kids in school.”

‘She laid in a pretty blue dress with a scarf around her neck to cover her scars. She was cold and stiff. It didn’t look like her, but I knew it was.’: Woman loses 19-year-old sister to suicide at airport on way to rehab, ‘She was so close. She was on the plane’

“He was sobbing. ‘Abigail…’ My heart dropped. ‘Dad, what the heck is going on?’ He responded, ‘I think your sister was arrested. She called and said the cops were after her. Then the call dropped. I haven’t heard from her since.’ She was last seen at the Denver International Airport. My dad escorted her to security where she was catching a plane to rehab. The reality of what happened hurts too much to face. I find myself getting so angry at her. She was so close. She was on the plane.”

‘It’s NOT postpartum depression. You aren’t suicidal.’ She said to buy essential oils. I feared the worst.:’ Mom’s postpartum depression dismissed for years, ‘I finally have the right people behind me’

“I smashed the window of our door while holding my child. I knew something wasn’t right. She told me, ‘You should calm down because stress can pass to your breast milk and upset your baby’s stomach.’ I had all these terrifying thoughts of what could happen to him. I said, ‘This is why we lose SO MANY women during the postpartum period. We get ignored.'”

‘If you want to kill yourself I’ll help you pull the trigger,’ my dad told me. ‘You’ll sit here and eat.’: Woman fights obesity, undergoes weight loss surgery at husband’s demand, ‘my soul is healing with each bout of laughter’

“I met my first husband at 19. We married at 21. He loved how I was plus-sized and enjoyed giving me unhealthy foods as ‘treats.’ He joined the Air Force. ‘There’s a woman in my unit who reminds me of you, but she’s a lot thinner. I have a crush on her.’ We went out to dinner. ‘Enjoy eating like this now because this stops when we get on base.’ I found out he’d been talking to other women while I was in the hospital.”

‘I see you,’ he’d text me. We rode the same bus. The stop was in front of my house, so he knew where I lived.’: Woman recalls 3 stalking encounters that still leave her in fear, ‘I constantly look for the closest object I could use to hit them if they were to attack me’

“Growing up, I always heard, ‘it’s the quiet ones you have to look out for,’ when it comes to people stalking you or committing gruesome crimes. While I’m sure this isn’t always the case, it was the case for me. My mom always told me to be nice to everyone, even if other people are being mean, so that’s what I did. I felt bad no one ever talked to him, so I made an effort to be nice to him.”

‘I couldn’t see him that way. ‘This is not real, this cannot be real.’ I didn’t go in, my beautiful boy was gone.’: Mom makes ‘brave’ decisions in her grief after losing son to suicide, ‘I choose not to torture myself’

“I chose not to wear black. It was the last occasion I would get to dress up for him. I wouldn’t attend his wedding, so I chose an outfit that would honor him and be celebratory. He was gone. All that was left of him was the shattered remains of a beautiful, perfect body he no longer wanted to be in. He chose his angelversary. He chose to leave us all behind and graduate to Heaven.”

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