“‘We can’t reach him,’ he said. My grandpa was at my dad’s apartment trying to get in. Police arrived. ‘Do we have permission to break in?’ The officer kicked the door down. ‘Dad!,’ my sister screamed. A police officer held our grandpa back. ‘Dana wake him up, get him up!’ All she could say was, ‘Grandpa, I am so sorry.'”
‘Miss, I have your father’s autopsy results,’ the coroner said. ‘He felt absolutely nothing.’ I quickly asked, ‘It wasn’t an overdose?!’ ‘No drugs were detected, ma’am.’ I cried hysterically.’
“He told me to unblock my ex’s number. At 2 a.m., he messaged me. ‘I know I’m not supposed to be talking to you, but I wanted to reach out to see how you were doing.’
“I came home from school. No one was home. I went up to my room, and opened my window. ‘If I jump, who would even miss me?’ All of a sudden, I was overcome with emotions. ‘My beautiful daughter, do not do this.'”
‘So, do you think you’re depressed?’ one doctor awkwardly asked me. I replied quietly, ‘I don’t think so?’ all while screaming, ‘I just wanted to be saved.’ This was the biggest mistake of my life.’
“If I dared to mark the box that said I had suicidal thoughts daily, I would be hospitalized. If I marked those terrifying boxes that my life was just too much for me to handle, I was admitting to the world I was ‘crazy’. I would lose everything I held dear.”
‘I was pregnant. I was only 21. I started bleeding. ‘Maybe it’s for the best,’ one family member said. This was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. Instead, it was a nightmare.’
“Josh came home. He suggested we go for a walk, but when I told him to just take our daughter. He couldn’t understand why – and that’s when I lost it. I was screaming at everyone, ‘WHY AM I HERE? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. WHAT IS THE POINT.’”
‘I was extremely nervous to tell her. Without missing a beat she replied, ‘That doesn’t change anything for me. I want to be with you.’
“I was so afraid of being found out and hospitalized, I hid my feelings. After a half hour of awkward stuttering, I finally spit it out by saying I understood if she didn’t want to continue this relationship.”
‘We went to ‘suicide high.’ I still can’t wrap my head around it. My sister was close to the crew of kids killing themselves. Every time the doorbell rang, I was terrified she was next on the list.’
“I was nervous. We approached her. ‘Hey, do you remember me?,’ my sister asked. ‘How could I forget a troubled soul like you?,’ she replied. ‘Thanks for being the teacher who saved my life. I needed to tell you in person.’”
‘I was desperate. I called him. He told me I over-iced it and hung up. But he was the best, right? Then I felt a lump. I was home alone when I got the call, I will never forget.’
“I remember signing papers before surgery that said, ‘Check here if willing to receive blood in case of emergency.’ I asked my doctor, ‘Why would I need blood?’ He replied, ‘You won’t, it’s just a formality.’ I trusted him. I believed him.”
‘My boss asked me, ‘Are you a virgin?’ I was shocked. He said, ‘We as older people don’t do it like you anymore.’ He took the longest way to get there, but I kept quiet. HE’S MY BOSS, after all.’
“As we got inside, I felt him looking at me. You just get the feeling when someone stares at you. I turned around. He stared at me. I was uncomfortable. He was 30 years older than me. I was scared to go to work. But I faced him. I faced my fears.”
‘He crept in my room when my mother was working. My stepdad said she wanted me to do ‘those things’ to make him happy in her absence. I was afraid. I could trust no one.’
“I was told I was ‘Pretty for a big girl.’ Because I was overweight, I thought that would keep me safe. If I stayed fat, no one would want to touch me. My grandparents would ask me questions. Of course I denied it.”
‘The phone rang at 5 a.m. ‘You need to come to the hospital. Your father is not doing well.’ My father? In the hospital? No way. He was a healthy, happy man. How could he be that sick?’
“14 years later, devastation struck once again. I lost my 19-year-old son in a tragic, earth-shattering suicide. The only comfort I have, is that my father was there to welcome him home. He was not easily influenced by peer pressure. Or, so we thought.”