“At exactly 4:30 p.m., I can only describe what happened as a rip in reality. ‘We need to find Becca.’ My sister saw my face turn white. Every cell in my body shifted. I drove home in blinding rain. An hour later, I walked into the house to find a detective asking about my daughter’s purse. They were searching for ‘the woman swept away in northern Philly.’ It happened at exactly 4:30 p.m.”
‘Something awful has happened.’ Family looked, confused. My daughter was being swept away by raging flood waters.’: Mom loses daughter to tragic ‘flood, drowning’ accident after sensing her danger in harrowing moment
‘What would we do if someone started shooting?,’ I wondered in church. I could feel my heart racing.’: Mom says her fear can be ‘crippling’ following mass shootings, but knows there will ‘always be light’
“Where were the exits? How would I protect my kids? I hate that my mind was in a place of fear in church of all places. I often run to the grocery store or Target with all 3 of my kids. How will I protect them if someone started shooting? How can I keep them safe? How can I teach them to protect themselves? Fear can be crippling. But there will also always be light.”
‘Certainly these aren’t all your children.’ At 29, we welcomed our 10th baby. I looked like I had stepped out of a junior high locker room. ‘I can’t believe your mother left you with all these siblings!’
“The night before his vasectomy he called me into the living room as the boys were playing. ‘We need to talk,’ he said. I can hear the conversation like it was yesterday. ‘This isn’t it, we aren’t finished…’”
‘Leah, this is your hell, but we’ve got to walk through it.’ Becoming a single mother was an adjustment I never anticipated. Our romantic relationship ended, but it served a mighty purpose.’
“It didn’t work out. He wasn’t mine to keep, but I finally realized what our relationship was meant for. I thank my daughter’s father for giving me the greatest gift I could ever know.”
‘I realized my worst nightmare had come true. I was truly alone, ‘white-knuckling’ it. I did a 180 and completely turned my life around. Or, so I thought.’
“I’m now a successful and contributing member of society, with a picture-perfect life. However, looks can be deceiving – because I had a secret.”
‘I remember how dark and frigid the inside was. It was completely empty. Not one piece of furniture. Nothing. I wandered into a room off to the side. I walked towards it, and instantly got chills.’
“When he got off the phone he said, ‘What do you think? Should we do this?’ I asked if he had seen what was on the wall and he said no. I showed him the picture. When he looked back at me, he had big tears streaming down his cheeks.”
‘Then came the call. ‘Come to NYC and get your daughter. She’ll land in 3 days!’ We immediately jumped on the plane, but then a hiccup.’
“Just 2 days later we got a text in our agency group. ‘Who was the family that was interested in a deaf child?’ Well that was us, and now we are going to adopt 2 girls?! No, we couldn’t do that. So we had a HUGE decision to make.”
‘The first thing he wrote down was, ‘Was it my fault?’ I ran out of the room to get his mom. We all took a deep breath.’
“His coworker saw one of their work trucks in a bad accident on the highway. My heart started to race, and I frantically continued to call Brian over and over again. Still no answer.”
‘Mom, we have to take them home.’ It was so hard to look at these girls and not cry. It was like looking into the eyes of my sister, eyes I had not seen in 8 years, eyes I would never see again.’
“The woman who had the girls was not at all family, but a friend from church. They had been removed from her care and were in a foster home. After we got off the phone, I panicked – what was I going to do?”
‘You wouldn’t have lost weight at the holocaust.’ I had things like ‘fatty’ and ‘ugly hippo’ scrawled across every school book page. I felt like dying. I felt like giving up.’
“I was shoved down the stairs by a drunk guy at a party. ‘You are going too slow,’ he said as he pushed me. Once again, visuals of high school flooded my head, and I started to feel myself giving up.”
