tribe

‘I got the call at 6 p.m., left my kids with my husband and drove to her house with my socks crammed into my Birkenstocks.’: Mom urges others to ‘just show up’ when friends need you, ‘She didn’t need Pinterest, she needed me’

“When your friend’s husband dies unexpectedly, when she has a baby, when she is going through a divorce, she doesn’t care if you baked the cookies from scratch and perfectly placed them in a platter. Show up in your socks with pizza. I held her, loaded her dishwasher, read her kids a story and tucked them in.”

‘Hey friend, I’m coming over. Please don’t clean up. Please don’t dress up.’: Mom doesn’t want friend to ‘apologize’ for being messy, ‘don’t stress the mess’

“Get ready to answer your door. Please don’t apologize. Please don’t freeze up. Please don’t clam up. Please just BE. Allow me to do the same. If you need to whine, I’m all ears. If you need to wine, I’ll bring a bottle. I’m coming over to support, help, empathize and entertain. I’m not coming over to speculate, assess, criticize or mock.”

‘Gianna would love to talk to you.’ I instantly regretted my decision. ‘Do I really want her at my house?’ We set a date.’: Mothers form unlikely bond through special needs daughters, ‘Everyone is struggling. Some of us just hide it better’

“She thought we should meet. Would it be awkward? Texting a stranger? I knew what I needed to do first. Look her up on Facebook. I immediately found her page and was instantly intimidated by her photo. Her profile picture was of her on their wedding day. She was beautiful, thin, gorgeous. There were no photos of her daughter’s face. Everything was vague. Did she think she was Blue Ivy? What’s the deal with that? I am a chronic over-sharer. Surely we wouldn’t have anything in common. Oh how wrong I was.”

‘Private conversations are not to be confused with public gossip. A good friend is hard to come by.’: Mom’s candid advice on adult friendships, ‘If you have one, hang on tight. Life is easier when you find your people.’

“Mean Girls is so 2004. It is not funny to exclude people on purpose. It is not cute to be nice to someone’s face and tear them apart the minute they leave the room. If you do it to others, it’s only a matter of time before you turn on me. Nice people are my kind of people.”

‘My core friends left me forever. Girls can be mean. Women can be vicious. It’s terrifying to put yourself out there.’: Mom says making REAL new mom friends is scary, but when you do, ‘hang on to it’

“My husband, who is usually ridiculously patient, pulled out his phone. He gently suggested I stop whining and tried selling me on potential new friendships with everyone he knew: What about Tom’s wife? She seems nice? Maybe Tammy from work? I bet you’d like her. ‘No, dear husband, everyone knows Tammy is literally the worst. She’s always trying to sell magic stretch-mark cream to whoever will listen. She is a know-it-all and a gossip.’ I wasn’t having it.”

‘It wasn’t bullying because she wasn’t picked on. It was almost as crushing – she was ignored.’: Mother urges school kids to reach out to ‘lonely’ students, ‘include them in their circle’

“I spent many nights with her crying in her bed asking me questions I couldn’t answer: ‘Why don’t I have any friends? Why don’t I get invited anywhere? What is wrong with me?’ I had no answers as I laid beside her as she sobbed. As important as it is to teach our children to study, to get good grades, it is also important to teach them to be kind.”

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