“I had anxiety about what people would say to my son about my hair. Would he be teased because of me? I just couldn’t do that to him. I bought a wig and started an 18-year game of hide-my-hair. I couldn’t believe what I was doing to myself. Each day, I hoped no one caught me.”
‘I had to wear a wig on my wedding day. ‘What’s going on?!’ my mom asked. ‘I don’t know,’ I lied. It was my dirty little secret. I was a prisoner of my own body, and I put myself there.’
‘I held this dark secret. I remember thinking, ‘What the heck? Are people weird like me, too?’ Cruel kids would ask, ‘What are you doing? Why are you pulling out your hair?’ I’m done hiding.’
“When I was 8 years old, I vividly remember pulling out an eyelash as I sat in my mom’s car in the drive-thru. And you know what? I LIKED the feeling from it. It was oddly satisfying. I kept pulling them out until my eyelashes were bald. Then, my parents began to notice. They couldn’t accept I was doing this to myself.”
‘He continued to call me, begging. The conversations were so strange, I started to record them. ‘I’m so sorry baby, I love you. I want to work this out.’ I ended up moving for my safety.’
“Yesterday was dentist day for me. I sat in the chair anxiously waiting, nervous as hell and scared. I wasn’t scared to see the dentist, but scared to have to explain what had happened.”
‘My friend is having her first baby the same month I lost mine. But you are NOT my trigger.’
“It’s baby season. I am honored to celebrate with you. I love attending your baby showers and purchasing those little newborn clothes. But we all grieve differently.”
‘She looked me dead in the eye. ‘What is it? Did the man leave?’ I can tell she was scared, her face went pale. Then I called 911.’
“I remember her concentrating on a certain part of my shirt, of course, I was scared. I never made it seem as if she was alone in this journey.”
‘Just lay there, be still, your Daddy’s good little girl.’ I stared at the ceiling, remembering his breath on me. Finally, he left the room to start my bath. ‘You wouldn’t want us to go away, would you?’
“There was a window behind the bed. A woman came out of the building. I waved violently. ‘HELP!’ The woman stood there, looked at me, and walked away, going to her car to leave. My safety, my possibility of help, was gone.”
‘I wanted to scream, ‘WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME?!,’ but I didn’t have to wait long. At our two-month check up, our worst fears were confirmed.’
“Her right arm looked like a chicken wing. Her other arm started to hang limp. It was rotated inward, as if it were dislocated.”
‘Well, Bobbie, that’s just what men do,’ she said to me tenderly. ‘My uncle did that to me too.’
“My eyes grew large as I looked at her and said, ‘No. That is not what men do.'”
‘Mom thought her mother had died – that day!’ Elderly woman with dementia devastated over death of mother 70 years ago
“I went to give her a kiss and she said, ‘Did you know my mother died today? She died and no one cares. It was so sudden and unexpected.'”
Grieving wife declares you’re a ‘badass’ for having ‘loved somebody so much you could hold their hand while they died’
“Suddenly, a trigger comes up that reminds us of what loss feels like, and we panic. We get scared. And we start waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
