“As the weeks edge closer to delivery day, I find myself conflicted with emotions. The joy and love I feel for this unborn child is genuine. But, child loss has broken me. This baby has already proved to help me heal, but she will never be a replacement for the son and daughter who died in my arms.”
‘This baby is not a replacement for the 2 children I lost.’ Mom pregnant with rainbow baby says even though this pregnancy is ‘completely different,’ there is still ‘fear and heartache’
‘I glanced at the clock. My heart skipped a beat. 4:58. On this day, at 4:58 a.m., my first daughter was born. Nearly 2 hours later, she passed away.’: Mom recalls tragic day she lost 2 of her triplets
“As she began eating her birthday dessert, my daughter looked at me. ‘How do we get cheesecake to Heaven? I think my brother and sister would like some.’ Through tears, I smiled. Our family is missing two of our children, but it turns out, they are never far away.”
‘Today is the day I get to meet Abigail!’ I’m excited! Her tone is bleak, she begins to cry. ‘Abigail didn’t make it.’: Father’s anguish over losing child, ‘drifting apart’ from daughter’s mother after ‘trauma’
“A text comes to me about 11:24. It reads, ‘Are you at work? Can you call me?’ Abigail’s mother no longer wanted to be around me. I was a reminder of our trauma. It was devastating because now I feel completely erased from her life as if nothing ever happened. I constantly dream of the family that almost was.”
‘I’m not attached to my baby. There, I said it.’
“It’s a harsh reality to admit, and I’m sure I’ll get a few gasps. But it’s the honest truth. And I know I’m not alone. I shrug off compliments from strangers about my pregnancy. This is my coping mechanism.”
‘Just stop having kids. This one will probably die too.’ This is NOT ok. As I was scrolling, this comment stopped me in my tracks.’
“As I read this terrible comment, my jaw dropped on the ground. This same woman went through my pictures and attacked me and my children. I usually just delete and move on, but she got under my skin. I couldn’t just ignore it.”
‘My husband and I never planned on more children. The fear was too big for me to tackle. I lost two children. Anxiety washed over me as I faced the same exact surgery.’
“I am a mother to four. Most people only see one child standing next to me, or notice my one on the way. But strangers will never know my daughter is actually a triplet. Her brother and sister died 5 years ago. Rainbow baby. It’s a term I love, but sometimes despise.”
‘Are you going to name your children?,’ a nurse asked me. My triplets were 2 days old. They had been known as Baby A, Baby B and Baby C. The truth is, we were scared.’
“My husband and I began to brainstorm. Peyton and Parker were always our favorites. That was the easy part — Peyton and Parker were alive. Several floors below, in the hospital morgue, was our peaceful angel, only known as ‘Baby A.’ How was I supposed to name a child I only looked at for a few hours?”
‘We were both speechless. ‘We’re almost 40 and we’ll be changing diapers again!,’ my husband finally muttered. I didn’t say a word. I was so shocked, my jaw on the ground with tears in my eyes.’
“Two children in Heaven, one here on earth; we were at peace. We signed the paperwork with the fertility clinic to finally close that chapter in our lives. Six months later, we were relaxing with a bottle of wine. Before I poured a glass, I ran upstairs. I was ‘late.’ I barely glanced at it, assuming it would be negative.”
‘It’s a secret I’ve been holding closely to my heart. Six years after being pregnant with our triplets, and then losing two of them, I am pregnant.’
“The tears have poured down my face, my heart racing as I finally share our news. Being pregnant after child loss is one of the most difficult things I have gone through in my life. To be honest, I was too scared.”
‘When I was pregnant, I thought about that perfect ‘going home’ outfit for my child. A soft, blue sleeper with tiny elephants dancing across. But, I never had that picture-perfect moment.’
“I stood outside the children’s store, my hands shaking as my heart started racing. I took a deep breath, wiped away my tears, and put on a brave face as I walked inside. I handed the outfit to my mother and told her I had to leave, the heartache proved too much.”
