“The unthinkable happened. Abigail’s mother no longer wanted to be around me. I was a reminder of our trauma. All together, we lost 3 children in this pregnancy. Who am I to tell her how she should feel?”
‘Are you at work? Can you call me?’ I’m thinking, ‘Today is the day I get to meet Abigail!’ Now I’m over-excited! I call, her tone is bleak, then she begins to cry. ‘Abigail didn’t make it.’
‘I’m not attached to my baby. There, I said it.’
“It’s a harsh reality to admit, and I’m sure I’ll get a few gasps. But it’s the honest truth. And I know I’m not alone. I shrug off compliments from strangers about my pregnancy. This is my coping mechanism.”
‘Just stop having kids. This one will probably die too.’ This is NOT ok. As I was scrolling, this comment stopped me in my tracks.’
“As I read this terrible comment, my jaw dropped on the ground. This same woman went through my pictures and attacked me and my children. I usually just delete and move on, but she got under my skin. I couldn’t just ignore it.”
‘My husband and I never planned on more children. The fear was too big for me to tackle. I lost two children. Anxiety washed over me as I faced the same exact surgery.’
“I am a mother to four. Most people only see one child standing next to me, or notice my one on the way. But strangers will never know my daughter is actually a triplet. Her brother and sister died 5 years ago. Rainbow baby. It’s a term I love, but sometimes despise.”
‘Are you going to name your children?,’ a nurse asked me. My triplets were 2 days old. They had been known as Baby A, Baby B and Baby C. The truth is, we were scared.’
“My husband and I began to brainstorm. Peyton and Parker were always our favorites. That was the easy part — Peyton and Parker were alive. Several floors below, in the hospital morgue, was our peaceful angel, only known as ‘Baby A.’ How was I supposed to name a child I only looked at for a few hours?”
‘We were both speechless. ‘We’re almost 40 and we’ll be changing diapers again!,’ my husband finally muttered. I didn’t say a word. I was so shocked, my jaw on the ground with tears in my eyes.’
“Two children in Heaven, one here on earth; we were at peace. We signed the paperwork with the fertility clinic to finally close that chapter in our lives. Six months later, we were relaxing with a bottle of wine. Before I poured a glass, I ran upstairs. I was ‘late.’ I barely glanced at it, assuming it would be negative.”
‘It’s a secret I’ve been holding closely to my heart. Six years after being pregnant with our triplets, and then losing two of them, I am pregnant.’
“The tears have poured down my face, my heart racing as I finally share our news. Being pregnant after child loss is one of the most difficult things I have gone through in my life. To be honest, I was too scared.”
‘When I was pregnant, I thought about that perfect ‘going home’ outfit for my child. A soft, blue sleeper with tiny elephants dancing across. But, I never had that picture-perfect moment.’
“I stood outside the children’s store, my hands shaking as my heart started racing. I took a deep breath, wiped away my tears, and put on a brave face as I walked inside. I handed the outfit to my mother and told her I had to leave, the heartache proved too much.”
‘When I wiped, I felt something coming out. My world came crashing down. I got a sick feeling in my stomach – I knew what was about to happen.’
“I laid on that cold bed, put my feet in the stirrups and prayed. After moments that felt like forever, my doctor looked up at me. ‘You’re having twins!’ We were in shock. But seconds later, our doctor had a weird look on her face. She said, ‘Wait! I think I see triplets!’”
