“Every time I leaned over my toilet and stuck my fingers down my throat, I would tell myself this was just what a disgusting person like me deserved. I was a shell of myself. I was too scared to kill myself. “Please don’t let me wake up.’ On the morning of my grandma’s funeral, I knew I was next.”
‘No one else has the guts to tell you this, but you look like a crack addict.’ I was surrounded by a looming cloud of self-hatred.’: Woman beats lifelong battle with eating disorders, ‘I get up every day and fight for my life’
‘Who the f*ck are you sneaking around with?,’ he screamed. Before I could answer, he threw the phone at my head. I had to hide my eyes from my son. ‘I can’t let him see me like this.’
“He bugged my bedroom to be able to hear everything I did, and every conversation I had. Eventually, he convinced me to move in with him. ‘I don’t want to lie to him.’ I would apologize with tears flowing down my face.”
‘I did something horrible. I broke all my rules. I told my son not to eat too much crap or he will get fat.’
“I can’t believe I said it. The words rolled out of my mouth and I immediately regretted it.”
