“Jon and I met on an online dating website and hit it off right away. When I flew to Louisiana to visit him for the first time, we both knew. This was it. As I delved into wedding details, I was plagued by lower back pain that wouldn’t go away.”
‘I was petrified, sobbing into Jon’s shoulder. He leaned over and held my hand. If he wanted to leave the relationship, I would understand.’
‘I know how you’re doing it,’ she whispered, then laughed and walked away. I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment. How could she know? I was 15 years old and had been caught.’
“I locked myself in the bathroom while my husband pounded on the door, begging me to let him in. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t believe what I was staring at. My heart pounded, and my mind raced. Was this real? Was it a faulty test? My baby was so tiny, but he or she was there, in my belly.”
‘My husband waited up for me. Surprised, I sat down and asked about his day. I didn’t get very far into my question. He somberly turned off the TV and leaned forward in his seat.’
“Hands folded and eyes down, he told me he had something he needed to tell me. I had never seen him so serious. I was stunned. I didn’t understand. We were cruising right along in life. We were house shopping. We were planning family vacations. I thought I was going to become a mom soon.”
‘I hid my habits. On the way to visit my boyfriend, I’d down a burger in my car, hide the evidence, then go to dinner a few hours later like a proper lady. Salad only, please.’
“When I moved, all the women looked like movie stars. Blonde with bountiful boobs, thin waists, and faces full of makeup. I went for a haircut and told the stylist I felt so out of place; I’d never be able to compete with these women. He stopped his snipping just long enough to say, ‘Sure you will. If you’re willing to pay enough.’”
‘There was an envelope in the mail for me. ‘It’s a picture of you with a shawl around your head. Why are you wearing that?’ My stomach turned. I was scared to tell her.’
“I was no longer living a secret life. I could be free with my mom now, or so I thought…”
‘This was our secret. How do you tell people something this big, but also tell them in the same breath it’s not a thing anymore, and also that you have no answers or explanations? So, we didn’t.’
“He instructed me to go home, and come back in a week to find out. There are no words to describe what it is like to drive around, go to the grocery store, go to work, etc. and wonder if today will be the day.”
‘I go from loving him to hating his guts over a period of 24 hours. I never thought that would ever happen to us. Ever.’
“Some people say they loved each other MORE after having children. I think that’s surely got to be a crock.”
‘IT’S A BOY!,’ they said as they held him up over the sheet. She turned and looked at me. ‘That’s your baby.’ It was the most incredible moment of my life.’
“The next day I walked into our apartment building to find Evan on his knees sobbing. The doctor had called.”
‘The first thing he wrote down was, ‘Was it my fault?’ I ran out of the room to get his mom. We all took a deep breath.’
“His coworker saw one of their work trucks in a bad accident on the highway. My heart started to race, and I frantically continued to call Brian over and over again. Still no answer.”
‘It was our 11-year wedding anniversary. I had been up since 5:30 a.m. I cooked an entire breakfast by myself. I picked up the house, did laundry. All alone.’
“You might be saying, ‘Oh no, where is the romance? Why is your husband working on your anniversary? How could he ever do that?! My husband would never!”
