“I locked myself in the bathroom while my husband pounded on the door, begging me to let him in. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t believe what I was staring at. My heart pounded, and my mind raced. Was this real? Was it a faulty test? My baby was so tiny, but he or she was there, in my belly.”
‘I know how you’re doing it,’ she whispered, then laughed and walked away. I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment. How could she know? I was 15 years old and had been caught.’
‘I hid my habits. On the way to visit my boyfriend, I’d down a burger in my car, hide the evidence, then go to dinner a few hours later like a proper lady. Salad only, please.’
“When I moved, all the women looked like movie stars. Blonde with bountiful boobs, thin waists, and faces full of makeup. I went for a haircut and told the stylist I felt so out of place; I’d never be able to compete with these women. He stopped his snipping just long enough to say, ‘Sure you will. If you’re willing to pay enough.’”
‘I was 6 when I wore my first bathing suit in a beauty competition. I was 8 when my dance instructor told my mom I was too chubby. I was 15 when I became addicted to diet pills.’
“After being sexually assaulted as a toddler, my trust was shaken. After becoming a mother, I’ve gained 75 pounds. You’d think that existing in a larger body – something I feared my entire life – would lead me further down the self-loathing spiral. But something miraculous has happened.”
‘He locked me in the basement for days. I asked him to help with baths for our kids that night. He turned off the power, so I went down to turn it back on – and he left me there.’
“I was hungry, and had nothing to eat. There was a sink down there I used to drink water. I was so done dealing with things. I sat and hoped he was taking care of our children upstairs. I kept wondering how I would get out.”
‘Each morning I wake up with the same thought. ‘Do I want to eat today, or do I want to feel skinny?’ I refuse my family’s offerings as they cook their eggs and pour their cereal.’
“I quietly sip my coffee and think to myself, ‘If I eat, I’m instantly going to feel fat.’ It’s a 2-hour struggle with fear and lies about my body before I realize I’m actually starving.”
‘I became severely ill. He said, ‘You just want to be sick.’ I could not keep anything down. The people who were there to help me were saying I WANTED this to be happening.’
“At this point, I was devastated. Some believe being overweight can cause it. I was told that if I did not lose weight, I would go blind. I had no will to do anything anymore. It seemed that just when I made it through one obstacle to being healthy, I was facing another.”
‘When I was 16 years old, I weighed 130 pounds. I felt like a cow. My friends were much smaller, and much slimmer. I always felt so unworthy. Sloppy. Lazy. Gross.’
“No matter how hard I tried, my size 8 body never fit into their size 2 clothes. I always felt so fat. My body has changed a lot. But my thoughts on my body have not. I’m still just as harsh. This has to stop.”
‘I lost 100 pounds in less 8 months. I was sick. I had gotten down to eating only one orange a day. Then I gained it all back. I got the phone call that changed my life. My mother had died.’
“We have unexpectedly adopted 2 newborn babies and moved our youngest boy’s biological brother in with us for an undetermined amount of time. Being a working mom of 5 boys really takes a toll on my workout routine and takes a LOT of juggling.”
‘I was fat shamed by a complete stranger on a plane.’
“As I looked back to confirm he moved, 4 rows back, I overheard him tell his new neighbor in row 15, ‘That girl up there is so huge, I…’”
‘I remember this guy said I had a ‘tight rig.’ I never ate much, I glorified my thinness. I was valued. I was funny, I felt pretty.’
“I met a guy, we fell in love and wanted babies. 3 kids, 2 vaginals, 1 cesarean, postpartum depression, antidepressant weight gain, and life later, this is my rig. I hated it. I would say it was broken. It’s not the person I valued anymore.”
