“I can’t pass this on to my daughters. I can’t have them looking at their bodies in search of flaws. I don’t want them to put all of their worth in what they see in the mirror. I want them to know, what I still am trying to convince myself. We might have fat, but we are not fat. This is not WHO we are.”
‘I have stretch marks, saggy skin, a weird fat fold around my C-section scar. I don’t really love myself. This has to stop.’: Mom insists weight does not define us, cannot keep letting ‘my imperfections consume me’
‘Oh honey, you should really wait until you lose the baby weight.’ Other customers heard. It took everything in me not to cry.’: Adoptive mom shamed for ‘baby weight’ by jewelry store employee
“I was taking my son to get my wedding ring cleaned. I was feeling so amazing with my baby boy on my hip. I asked about getting my ring soldered together. The lady looked at me and made a scrunched-up face. I didn’t even want to stand there to tell her he was adopted. This was just my body – I didn’t birth him.”
‘If not your breasts, they’ll attempt to convince you your worth depends upon your thigh gap, complexion, weight.’ Mom shuts down 8-year-old daughter thinking her body is ‘flawed’
“My darling girl, there is something I must get off my chest before you grow into yours. As you get older, society, men, even some women, will try to convince you that your breasts — their size, shape, level of ‘perky’ — are what define you as a woman. Hear me clearly when I firmly inform you, they are wrong.”
‘I can do this, right?’ I scanned the faces around me, absolutely mortified. ‘Of course. Just take your shirt off!’ Peopled waved, said hello. Where were the looks of disgust?!’ Mom embraces plus-size beach body to set example for daughter
“I spent years trying to sabotage my marriage in hopes he’d leave me for someone skinny. Day after day, I’d tell myself how nasty, disgusting, fat I was. I had no idea my gorgeous daughter was listening. She started saying how fat she was. How ugly. I was HORRIFIED. I knew I needed to make a change.”
‘185. That’s my number. It is what pops up on the scale when I decide it’s time to torture myself. I stress-ate after being diagnosed with breast cancer.’
“Or is it 390? Maybe that’s my number. The size implant I want when they reconstruct my breasts so I can feel more human again. I squeezed every weird gelatin blob in my plastic surgeon’s office before settling on one. ‘I dunno, this one?’”
‘She’s fat. It’s a good thing she’s nice. Otherwise, no one would pay attention to her.’ They both giggled and left the restroom. I stayed in the stall, frozen. I knew I needed to blend in.’
“I became aware that I was different from the other perfect, small, blonde girls. So, I hid my glasses, grew my hair out, and started dressing better. I realized I needed to walk tall, shift my shoulders back, and smile to draw any and all attention away from the rest of my body.”
‘He said, ‘You can look like a wholesome American beauty, or you can look weird and androgynous. We want to wipe all of the wholesomeness out of you.’
“I started counting every calorie, I ignored my hunger, and I’d work out without eating much or anything after. I’d weigh myself whenever I could sneak into my parent’s bathroom. The scale dictated my happiness, the size of my clothes measured my worth. Hopefully I can sustain this starving myself thing for the next ten-ish years, I’d think to myself.”
‘Oh wow, my thighs look huge in these jeans. After you have an eating disorder, they say you’ll never be normal again.’
“The next five minutes I spent trying to change the illusion of what I had just seen, pulling up the waist of my dark jeans a little higher, smoothing out the denim hoping that may give the twins a slimmer appearance. I pulled on the hem of my sweater a bit, pulling it down a little further than the widest part of my thighs, hoping once again to give a thinner illusion.”
‘Doctors told me I was ‘lying.’ I hadn’t started my period. Before I took the birth control, I took a pregnancy test. It was POSITIVE!? We bought 5 more tests. All of them were positive!’
“I was having vivid, strange dreams. A neighbor said, ‘Are you pregnant?’ I said ‘no’ and cried. A switch flipped in me. I became crazy emotional. I was having day dreams about drilling a hole in my head or cutting it off. I went to doctor after doctor. They all said that it was because of my weight.”
‘People went out of their way to ignore me, as if being fat was contagious. Others used me as a lesson for their kids. ‘Look! This is what happens when you don’t eat right!’ I couldn’t find happiness, so food was my escape.’
“My weight got to the point where standing was painful. My wife got used to my answer being ‘no’ to everything. The panic set in. Was my weight ruining her life? Was I trapping her? Did she resent me for that? Did she still find me attractive or fun to be around?”
