“I joke that we really bought my clawfoot tub and the house came with it. We had only moved in 6 months ago and we were so excited to make it our own. Then everything I thought was real disappeared before my eyes. Until I then I saw this.”
‘This was the house we intended to raise our babies in. We were here to stay. But then he died.’
‘He was out at a restaurant with my brother. The next morning, my entire life was over. ‘Caroline. He’s not breathing.’ I snapped back, ‘What? What are you talking about?’
“Someone I love dearly timidly asked, ‘Did he do those things regularly?’ I considered keeping his secret. I chose not to disclose WHY he died. I told people, tight-lipped, ‘He died in his sleep.’ I held onto the shame and guilt. ‘I’ll do this for you,’ I thought.”
‘Shonna, someone was in an accident. It looks like his motorcycle.’ I was holding our daughter. ‘I’M GOING TO DROP HER.’ I tumbled outside, listening for sirens.’
“He gave us forehead kisses. ‘Byeee Charlotte, daddy loves you,’ and backed out of the driveway. My phone rang. I remember answering to hear concern on the other end. ‘What’s Brandon doing?,’ they asked. ‘Oh, he’s out on a bike ride!’ There was a long pause.”
‘Oh, God. This has to be a dream. Not MY Mick.’ They were only going to the race track. A 3-hour drive from home. Their horse was racing, and then they were supposed to come back.’
“Then it dawned on me. Is this what Mick meant when he said to me, ‘Under no circumstances can I change my plans on Saturday and take Chloe to basketball.’ I can’t believe I never questioned him on that; it was very unusual for him not to go and watch her play.”
‘Garry!’ I yelled, grabbing his face. ‘Garry, wake up!’ I screamed at him. There was no response other than the awful snoring and shaking. I bolted across my yard to pound on my neighbor’s door.’
“I awoke with a startle. I’d only been asleep for an hour when a strange sound roused me. There it was again, coming from my husband’s side of the bed; a strange snoring sound, except it wasn’t snoring. Something wasn’t right. He was shaking. My babies were sleeping soundly in their beds.”
‘Two men in uniform showed up at her door. ‘They’re coming. The Marines are coming.’ I looked at my mom. ‘I have to go,’ I said, and hung up immediately.’
“‘Paul didn’t show up to work today. This isn’t good Mom. I need you to pray,’ I said. I hadn’t spoken to my husband in 48 hours and was really worried. Every text sent went unanswered. I called a fellow Marine. He asked me, ‘What do you know?’”
‘I awoke with a voicemail from the doctor. ‘How did I miss this?’ I raced to the hospital. I got teary eyed, and said to him, ‘I love you, you are going to be ok.’
“I asked, ‘How could that happen so fast?!’ I screamed, ‘You can do this. Fight. I need you. Theo needs you. We can’t do this without you.’ I held his hand but, in my heart, I knew.”
‘I took maternity photos in the dress I wore to my husband’s funeral.’
“I didn’t know I was pregnant on the day of the funeral. Clothes were strewn about in a panic as I rummaged through every drawer, hamper and closet 2 hours before I was supposed to meet the photographer. Then I saw it. Hanging quietly in the corner where it had remained for the last 7 months.”
‘At this point, even if we get him back, his brain…,’ the doctor trailed off. I pulled his mom into me to hide her from this. ‘I won’t tell you to stop,’ I told the doctor. ‘I won’t ever tell you to stop.’
“We sat on her porch in the sun – and my phone rang. It was my husband. I answered, but something was different. He was panicked. That wasn’t like him. When I got there, I saw it. A work boot. Cut open, stained with blood.”
‘He opened his eyes, and held my hand. ‘I love you too, but this is ridiculous.’ He proceeded to remove his oxygen mask. It was such a Dan thing to do, to choose his time.’
“‘How did you meet Becca?’ I was sitting with my nose in a book when he plopped himself down. ‘Hi, my name is Dan,’ he said, matter-of-factly. I will never forget that night. Little did I know – he’d become my future husband. He passed away just 16 days after we said ‘I do.'”
