“Today is our 12th wedding anniversary. We started dating in high school, and married 5 years later.
I was barely old enough to enjoy a glass of wine on our honeymoon. Babies.
I married him because I loved him, and I REALLY wanted a dope wedding.
We had fun together. He was a good person. But that was kind of it. I definitely didn’t know what I should be looking for in a life long partner and future co-parent, but now I think I do know.
I want to share some of my observations and ideas on finding a mate.
1. You want to marry someone who is open to growing with you. We are very different people now then we were 15 years ago, and I suspect we will keep changing. Marry someone who is committed to you today, and forever. Do things together. Share experiences. Make plans. Dream big. Evolve together.
2. Marry someone who loves to clean. I didn’t do this, and it’s fine… but it sure seems like the way to go if you have the chance.
3. Find someone who respects the women in your life. The way he treats your mother and your friends is a good indicator of how he will treat you one day when the newness wears off in your relationship.
4. You definitely want to be with someone who has goals. An unmotivated person is everyone’s least favorite kind of person.
5. I would highly suggest looking for a mate with a BIG FAT trust fund. Life is expensive. Kids are expensive. And things are probably a lot easier with a load of money. Again, I didn’t do this, so I can’t be 100% sure. But it seems like a very wise choice.
6. If they love God well, they will love you well.
7. Finding a beautiful model isn’t as important as you may think. Looks fade. (Obviously ours haven’t, but I hear it’s a strong possibility if you live long enough.)
8. Perfection is a myth, and grace is the most important thing you will ever offer each other.
9. You want someone who supports you in all you do. Who doesn’t just make you want to be a better person, but helps you to be a better person. Wants what you want, and builds you up without ever tearing you down.
A while back, I realized that I was having a hard time parenting without getting emotional and yelling. I had always prided myself on being even-tempered. I had never had the slightest struggle with anger, but suddenly I was struggling.
I found myself raising my voice over silly things. Messes, the kids arguing, not doing what they know they are supposed to.
I had been embarrassed and guilt ridden when I heard the hateful tone I used with my kids, the ones I am supposed to love most. My patience was thin.
I shared this with my husband. He has listened to my struggle and wiped my tears. He is a safe place, and never meets me with judgement.
A few days after my most recent post-bedtime meltdown, I noticed he ordered several parenting books on development and discipline. He read them and gave me the cliffs notes.
He took it upon himself to find potential solutions for my problem.
This is what you want in a partner.
This is romance.
The older we get, the flowers and the fancy dinners mean less and less, and these things mean more and more. ❤️”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Stephanie Hollifield of Momstrosity. It originally appeared on their Facebook page. Submit your own story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here.
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