“Some people wonder how a pathological person even becomes a parent to start with. The answer is simple: by deception.
The same way that a pathological parent looks like a great parent in public, that’s how they presented themselves to their partner before a child was even conceived.
A pathological person will beg you for a child. This begging will occur over months, sometimes even years.
Your pregnancy will be planned and discovering that you are with child will be the highlight of your relationship. Nothing will ever compare to this time.
Then the mask slips and nothing will ever be the same.
Suddenly, the baby you two planned to have is a ‘trap’ and you have ‘trapped’ them by becoming pregnant. This is utterly devastating and confusing for you to hear. Unbeknownst to you, the pathological parent is telling others the same thing, laying the groundwork for how they will portray you later on when you leave them.
But you – you know the truth. They also begged you to marry them. They said you’d be together forever. They said all they ever wanted was to meet someone like you and have a child with you. They said that they wanted to build a life with you and share a future with you.
The ‘entrapment’ narrative never lets up, however. The pathological parent will tell you that they’re ‘making the best of it’ with you and ‘pretending’ not to be miserable but that they really hate you. Since you now share a child, they will say that they feel ‘forced’ to like you. To keep the peace, you don’t argue with them about anything. You just hope they return to the person that wanted a child with you so badly.
The pretending is utterly confusing. You can no longer differentiate between when this person is pretending or being truthful.
When your child arrives, they return to being the loving parent that they said that they would be prior to the child being conceived. This gives you hope. There’s an audience when this metamorphosis happens, however and you’ll soon realize that their motive is to look good in front of others.
As soon as the crowd disappears, the pathological parent wants nothing to do with you or your child. Your worst fear is coming true.
They stop talking to you. They leave you and your child alone for days on end. They do not at all engage with your shared child. They do not even say hello to or hug their child unless there’s a camera or another person present. In fact, they completely shun your child and say that they’re a ‘mistake’ and that they regret ever having them.
This is brutal. You are reliant on this person and so is your child, but they completely disown the both of you.
They do not engage in day-to-day parental responsibilities. You will plead, beg and cry for them to bond with your child. You will ask them to bottle-feed your child, to diaper your child or just sit with them to get to know them.
The pathological parent will refuse to do any of these things.
You do not trust the pathological parent to do anything with your child because they haven’t shown any interest in your child at all. They do not know your child or how to care for them.
But there will come a day when you do not have a choice but to rely on them to care for your child and it will be disastrous.
Their lack of knowledge about your child’s care will be your fault, as seen in the message below. It is your fault that your child ‘won’t’ bottle feed with them. It is your fault that your child is crying when separated from you. It is all your fault.
All the times you begged the pathological parent to bond with your shared child will not matter. They will work very hard to convince you that you are to blame. That you are the reason that they have never bonded with their child to begin with. Everything will be your fault.
The pathological parent will do everything in their power to make you as anxious and worried for your child as possible. This will ensure that you do not try to rely on them again and it will rid them of the responsibilities they do not want to have.
You will soon realize that this person loves the attention having a child brings them. But if you require anything outside of that, the pathological parent becomes vicious and evil.
Soon, you’ll be able to reconcile with this and you will realize that the pathological parent never actually had a true interest in becoming a parent to begin with. You will feel fooled, taken advantage of, panicked, disappointed, heartbroken and absolutely grief stricken.
Thankfully, because all parenting responsibilities have always fallen on you, you will find new confidence and resolve to provide for your child alone. You will realize that you have always been alone in caring for your child. This will give you the confidence to protect your child.
The pathological parent will find new interest in being a parent when you leave them. To the public and the court system, they’re distraught. Everyone believes them.
You will be the evil person who ‘stole’ a child from a doting parent. It was you who ‘entrapped’ them and now you’re alienating your child from their other parent as a means of revenge. You are calculated and vicious, in the eyes of others.
But you know the truth.
The pathological parent rarely has just one child. After you leave them, they will quickly move on and find someone new to convince others that you were the problem. Your body has not even healed from birthing their child, from giving them this beautiful, little life and yet they are out there bedding a new person. This new relationship will be encouraged by those that surround and support the pathological parent.
Do not be surprised if this person marries their new partner to save face. They may even quickly have another child just to be able to say, ‘see, I am a good parent. I just had a child with the wrong person. It was them,’ and to the public, they will again seem like the doting parent and everyone will believe that it was just a matter of incompatibility the first time.
Some may be fooled by this, but you know the truth and deep down, so do those who are closest to the pathological parent.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Kaitlyn Jorgensen, 29, of Buffalo, New York. You can follow her journey on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTubefor our best videos.
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