‘Your dad and I, we didn’t work out. We failed to keep us all under one roof. We tried, but I am so sorry.’: Single special needs mom says ‘I hope I can be what you need’

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“My boy, you looked so young tonight.

So small, so little, and so baby-like.

Unfortunately, the man I married, your dad and I, we didn’t work out.

I tried my boy.

We tried, but I am so sorry.

Your life, I feel, was already challenging enough, and as your parents, we failed to keep us all under one roof.

I am sorry.

I am sorry when you came home to me today you couldn’t say what you wanted, and you couldn’t complain.

Your sisters threw out 30 demands within the 30 seconds you arrived home, but you couldn’t.

And for that, I really am sorry.

I feel like it must be me, or it must be my fault that life threw you this card.

Most days I don’t feel that way.

I don’t think you’re unhappy, but today my son, you looked so young.

I couldn’t help but worry about how you will feel—how you will cope—when you aren’t so young.

I hope I am enough.

I hope I can help.

I hope I get it right.

I hope I can be what you need.

I hope I live forever.

Because I need to be here.

I need to be with you.

Son, tonight you looked so young.

Tonight I had a low moment, and for that, I am sorry.

It will be okay.

Everything will be okay.”

Courtesy of Lucy Watts

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Lucy Watts. You can follow her journey on Facebook and InstagramSubmit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.

Read more from Lucy:

‘Last night, I had a dream my non-verbal son said, ‘I love you.’ I awoke in tears. Deep in my heart, I wish I could hear his voice.’: Special needs mom says ‘I hope he knows how much I love him’

‘My son may not look at you all the time, but he absolutely sees you.’: Mom shares lessons from autistic son

‘Today social media attacked autism. It mocked, insulted, and made fun of people like my boy.’: Mom to son with autism responds to ‘ugly’ TikTok challenge

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