12 Experiments To Test If You’re Ready To Have Kids

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Making the decision to become a parent is not one to be taken lightly.

If you find yourself waffling about whether or not to become a parent, the following list of at-home experiments (some that require the iron-clad commitment of your partner) will give you an excruciatingly realistic feel for if parenthood is the right fit for you both.

Experiments To Prepare You For Parenthood

1. Sleep Deprivation

Acquire five cobras and put them in a soft bag. Tie it tightly so they can’t get out. Lay next to the bag in your bed, and sing it lullabies while it writhes for hours instead of falling asleep. Repeat two times a day for five years.

2. Conscious Grocery Shopping

Buy all the healthy groceries. Spend $100 buying organic chicken nuggets, GMO-free gummy vitamins, gluten-free waffles, and preservative-free crackers. Really struggle with the cost of going organic, but do it anyways because you just read a Facebook article about the dangers of our toxic food supply.

Carry the half-a-bag of groceries into your house, and then throw that shit right into the trash to simulate a child who refuses to eat any of it. Get used to that.

3. Warped Time 

Set a timer for every daily task you have. Make sure to choose an air-raid siren as the ringtone. If blow-drying your hair usually takes 20 minutes, set the timer for 11. If making dinner takes 30 minutes, set the timer for 3. 

Would you like to read your book for an hour? Set the time for 30 seconds. Get familiar with being on a too-short clock all day/year long.

4. Persistent Tantrums

Ask your partner to whine with everything they say for four years straight. Tell them to stop for a day and then start again for another four years to simulate having another baby.

5. Endless Hunger

Instruct your partner to say/whine, “I’m huuuuuungry,” every time they get into the car with you to go somewhere. 

Have them repeat this after every meal out together, as you both exit the restaurant. Bang your head against the wall with this for three to five years.

6. Media Control 

Ask your partner to shout out a song title relentlessly until you put it on for them every time you’re backing your car out of a busy parking lot. 

Instruct them to repeat this for four years and never change song titles.

7. Picky Eaters

Pack healthy snacks to keep on hand at all times. Before you leave the house every day, pack a snack that’s gluten-free, dairy free, non-windpipe-sized, has sufficient protein, no dyes, is whole grain, and can’t be spilled. 

Once you’ve found whatever miracle food this is (hint: it doesn’t exist), dump it all out in the backseat of your car. Repeat for 10 years.

8. Irregular Sleep Cycles

Set early alarms for yourself. Ask your partner to set your morning alarm for anywhere between midnight and 6 a.m. – but never later than 6 a.m. 

Gauge when to go to bed, and try to sleep tight not knowing when you’re going to be awoken. Repeat for 18 years.

9. Extreme Muli-Tasking

Install a Nerf basketball hoop in the back seat of your car. Try to throw snacks, stuffed animals, books, and leaking water bottles into the basket to simulate giving them to your crying child.

If the items don’t make it into the hoop (they won’t), throw your arm out trying to retrieve them for a second try, while also keeping your eyes on the road and listening to “The Circle of Life” on full blast.

10. Pestering

Have your partner bat a balloon around your head while you make dinner for them.

Instruct them to not eat the dinner despite the fact that they like it, and it’s being served on a plate with the face of their favorite TV show character.

11. Germs (Everywhere)

Have your partner sneeze directly into your mouth.

And then cough in your eyes.

12. Injuries

Prepare for injuries. At your lowest moment, the one where you’re not sure if you can go on anymore, have your partner throw a Thomas the Train engine square at your head, spilling your blood.

If all of this sounds like something you’d like to be a part of, then you are ready to be a parent!

father holds his toddler aged son and gives him a kiss on the cheek
Courtesy of Kelly Sikkema (via Unsplash)

This story was written by Brandy Ferner of Adult Conversation. You can follow her on her blog at www.adultconversationparenting.com. The article originally appeared on The Huffington Post. Join the Love What Matters family and subscribe to our newsletter.

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