Health

‘You’ve caught an infection. If we don’t remove these babies, you will become sepsis. You can die.’ Tears ran down my face. ‘This is not where I hoped to see you,’ my doctor said. Neither did I.’

“‘You are having twins!’ I looked at my husband. We were in total shock. When we went to the doctor experiencing bleeding, we were sure something else was the issue — not twins. It was a dream come true. Minutes later, I sat on the toilet. I heard a ‘pop.’ I felt this flow of water between my legs.”

‘Does that hurt?’ He smelled of liquor. I grabbed my baby girl and got in his face. All of the red flags were there, but I ignored them. I thought my love could make him a better man.’

“He’d deliberately go out and ‘ghost’ me. I felt trapped in a thick fog of confusion, heartbreak, and betrayal. My children and I grew to appreciate when he left to work. We could be ourselves and not have to walk on eggshells. Every time he’d swindle his way back in, I felt like I betrayed myself.”

‘Our baby’s brain hadn’t divided. Parts were missing. I prepared my 3-year-old for the chance his baby sister may not come home. Everyday interactions felt like ripping open a wound.’

“We told others to not make plans for a baby shower. I didn’t want to have to return things if my baby died. In the shower, I’d cry out with all my heart just to be able to have my daughter no matter what difficulties she might have. As the date approached, I considered planning for the possibility of a funeral.”

‘I stood in line, filling the medication that would remove the life within me. I looked at my fiancé. ‘I’m going home and grabbing my camera.’ If I didn’t do this, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.’

“I headed to the hospital. I remember being in the room, feeling blood dripping from my body. I watched my friend’s body bleed simultaneously, signs of life, as she waited to bring her baby into the world. A life leaving and a life beginning all in the same room at the same moment. I was transfixed.”

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