“’She has a few markers that are consistent with Down syndrome.’ I felt like someone told me my entire family had just died. I felt like I was in a nightmare. ‘I’m not equipped to handle this.’ I listened to my nurse talk about her twin brother with Down syndrome. I couldn’t believe it. That was the first moment where I felt, ‘Maybe I can do this.’”
“I remember being so excited for my due date. Then we went to the doctor and saw our baby, but no heartbeat. Suddenly, it was over. My jeans fit again. I stored the congratulatory letters in a box. Friends told me to ‘move on.’ Weeks later, I was shopping when a woman pushing a newborn in a carriage walked by. I started to cry. Another woman turned around and gently smiled. ‘It is so tough. 20 years later, I still wonder what that child would have been like.’ Tears fell from my eyes.”
“His lesions were so severe he couldn’t eat. Rashes covered his entire body. We had to inject him with Pedialyte every 15 minutes just to keep him from passing out. In the midst of trying to be a normal family of 3, we suffered 3 miscarriages. Here we were, emotionally and physically exhausted, still yearning for hope. Little did we know, after 11 pregnancies, baby B would surprise us with blood in his diaper at just 2 months old. We knew something was terribly wrong.”
“I was adopted at 13. Before then, I’d grown up in a small town with a religiously close-minded family. I was constantly told to ‘man up’ and act masculine. Yet, I looked like a girl and struggled to put my voice into a deeper tone. I’d get frustrated and cry to God, ‘I promise to act manly if you make me a normal girl in my next life.’ I prayed I could be who my family wanted me to be. I had no idea I had both male genitalia and ovaries.”
“I stand there for a moment, clutching those two bottles in each hand, silver lids removed. I’m angry. I’m sad. ‘Why did you do this, Kara? Why?’ I need you to know, as devastating as The Decision has been for all of us, I will fulfill my promise to you. I bet you didn’t know it would force me back here, to a magical place I equally loathe and love. But here we are. It’s been 340 days.”
“‘Did you see what she’s WEARING?’ ‘She got fat!’ ‘God, she should date guys her age!’ ‘WHY doesn’t she just wear a bit of foundation?’ My children were right there.”
“I was alone when they told me. I do remember carrying my still squirming baby boy up the stairs to his room and collapsing on the ground next to his dresser, unable to move, unable to even cry. A strange thing happened during this time. I grew up. I got tough. To the rest of the world, it was a defect, but to us, it was precious.”
“I’ve had that baby. I’ve had that patient. I’ve cared for the couple whose baby they hold within their arms is no longer alive. I’ve fought to save the mother who is bleeding out. I’ve rescuscitated the baby turning purple as parents stare back in desperation. Your work isn’t measured by a single moment or shift, but the lives of those you touch.”
“The words were written in a letter addressed to my soon-to-be husband. Was the author right? Did he deserve better? My emotion overflowed from my eyes and ran down my cheeks.”
“At 17, I got pregnant. Life completely changed. After discovering my husband’s double life, I went into the shower to find a white spot under my arm. I tried to scrub it off, but it wouldn’t move. Every time I checked, the spot was bigger and bigger. ‘Is it cancer? Is it contagious?’ I asked the doctor.’There’s no cure.’ As he pulled up pictures on his laptop, I began to cry. ‘I’m going to be a monster.’ Here I was, my marriage ending, horrified no one would ever want me again.”
