Love What Matters

‘He’s the kid who never listens the first time. Or even the tenth. His heart breaks because he’s not always sure why what he’s doing is so wrong. But he needs you to hear him.’

“He is smart as a whip, yet school isn’t always his jam. He’d rather talk about why Sally is giving away 24 of her apples instead of solving the story problems in math. He can read your emotions on your face, and will always know who is lonely on the playground.”

- Jan 18, 2019

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‘This was our secret. How do you tell people something this big, but also tell them in the same breath it’s not a thing anymore, and also that you have no answers or explanations? So, we didn’t.’

‘We talked about meeting all year. So many feelings were running through me. In a perfect world, they could have both been saved, but that isn’t our story.’

‘He said, ‘If I die. Nathan is the only person allowed to raise my daughter.’ What I didn’t know was how serious he took that statement.’

‘He pushed his way in. ‘Sit on the couch!,’ he demanded. He told me he was going to stay all night. I begged him to leave. Then he came up with an idea: ‘I’ll leave if you have sex with me.’

‘When I say my daughter died, people will often respond: ‘I’m sorry I didn’t know.’ Their response makes me smile.’

‘Momma, your baby died?’ Cue my heart sinking into the earth. Bury me now. How do I explain this to my son? How. It was supposed to be quick, in and out in 10 minutes.’

‘She turned the screen towards us. ‘Here is baby number 1, here is baby number 2…’ ‘PLEASE STOP COUNTING!,’ is all I could manage to say. The room fell quiet.’

‘Then came the call. ‘Come to NYC and get your daughter. She’ll land in 3 days!’ We immediately jumped on the plane, but then a hiccup.’

‘Fifteen days after this picture was taken, this sweet girl’s dad – her best friend, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She would only have him 18 more months.’

‘I’m impatient. And they’re insane. They’ve behaved their little hearts out for teachers and friends. They wanna cut loose, and so they do. There are tears every day.’

‘I heard my name. ‘Are you Suzanne?’ A woman approached me. I was confused, even scared I had done something wrong. ‘Yes?,’ I said nervously.’

‘The best course of action will be to do a total hysterectomy,’ the doctor said, staring at me. ‘But I’m only 29!,’ I gasped in disbelief.’

‘He’s the kid who never listens the first time. Or even the tenth. His heart breaks because he’s not always sure why what he’s doing is so wrong. But he needs you to hear him.’

‘Less than 10 seconds changed everything. I was unable to get up, despite how hard I tried. Shock settled in. I overheard the words of some hospital tech, ‘SHATTERED!’ What did that mean?’

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‘He was blue, and his skin was covered with deep purple spots. He wasn’t crying. The whole room was especially quiet.’

‘You’re 12 weeks along, but it looks like the baby hasn’t grown since the 8-week mark.’ I blurted out, ‘Oh, well that’s a bummer.’ I felt like monster.’

‘He was gentle, humble and funny. But he perfected deceit. The counselor urgently told me to take my kids and ‘get out while you still can.’

‘We are expecting twins. But, not just ANY twins. Neither of us had words in that moment. We sat together on the bed and just held each other. There were no words.’

‘I walked into the NICU. Her nurse said, ‘Hey momma, I was just about to call you.’ I knew that wasn’t good. My heart started pounding. I could feel it in my ears as I choked back tears.’

‘I couldn’t walk without my body feeling like broken glass. How did this happen? All of a sudden I was a vegetable.’

‘I heard him speaking to my OB. ‘It’s nothing to worry about – it’s just a little spotting,’ he told her. As that word ‘just’ rolled off his tongue, I cringed.’

‘I’m sorry, but we found a mass in your daughter’s brain.’ I thought that would be the worst day of my life. Little did I know, only 13 days later, THAT would actually be the worst day of my life.’