“I said, ‘Break a leg!’ She got furious and started yelling at me, ‘Why do you want me to break a leg?? She takes things exactly the way they are, what you say is what she hears, and she processes the language just as it’s spoken. Katy has her own unique way of thinking, which I adore.”
-“Rowen’s skull was swelling. He started grabbing his head constantly and screaming. He was throwing up non-stop and couldn’t even turn his head. I kept hearing time and time again from doctors, ‘You just need some sleep.’ It got to the point where every time they saw me, they asked, ‘Are you getting sleep? You need it badly.’ I started to doubt myself. Was I going crazy? But deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. I decided to go with my gut. Enough was ENOUGH.”
-“I never talked about FA with friends, classmates, or professors. I exhausted myself doing so much walking around campus, attempting to keep up and pretend everything was ok. I had tunnel vision; walking on my own was all I cared about… until I had no choice.”
-“I had lunch at Sam’s Club with my twins. A little girl with blonde hair ran up and sat next to us. I looked around for the mom. Didn’t see anyone. ‘This is so odd. If the mom doesn’t come over soon, I’ll have to get an employee.’ I’m searching all the women at the food court. Dad finally walks up. ‘Hey, thanks for letting her sit here.’ I smiled. ‘No problem at all!’ When it was time to go, we walked towards the door. She followed us. I got a little uneasy. Is she scared of him? Then he approached us.”
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“I did not choose infidelity or deceit. I chose to trust the man I’d married, and I was deceived. Yet I don’t blame myself for that; I can’t control another person’s choices. I can only control my own choices.”
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“He began disappearing for days. He had no care at all about my pregnancy. I knew something was going on. Little did I know, I’d get the shock of my life. I was excited he agreed to come home for dinner. As I was emptying the pockets in his jeans for laundry, I knew what it was immediately. A glass container used to store drugs. ‘How could he?’ I thought. I sat there crying, holding so tightly to my baby bump, telling her not to worry, I would fix her dad before she got here.”
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“We were just waiting to see Santa. I will never forget that room, it was so beautiful. All done up with snowmen, lovely lights, Christmas Music playing. It was sensory heaven for my little boy. I will never forget that woman. I will never forget the way she looked at my little boy. The way she stared. The look of disgust on her face.”
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“What I’ve learned after trying it for a couple of months is that it’s much harder for me to shut up and not shove my opinion down their throats or try to solve their problems for them than I thought. I figured they’d be the ones unable to play by the ground rules, but it was a big lesson for me as well.”
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“You know those kinds of days where everything that can go wrong does? Yesterday was that day. I’d gotten no sleep before the littles began stirring. The rest of the day was a blur of school lessons, cleaning, runs to multiple stores for ONE thing. Supper was a complete FAIL. I needed to wash my hair because, let’s face it, one can only use dry shampoo for so long, but I hadn’t any energy to muster for that daunting task. Then a thought silently crept across my mind: ‘Ask Donald.’ I had to lay my pride aside.”
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“Our girls were messing around. One of them put their body through the drywall. My 9-year-old came downstairs crying and frantic saying she had to show me something. I walked upstairs to the damaged wall. The remorse was already displayed all over her body. She didn’t need me to make her feel guilty. She didn’t need me to shame her.”
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“If one more kid gets out of bed for so much as a SNIFF of water, I’m going to pull my freakin hair out. That child might end up on the front porch wearing a ‘for sale’ sign. I just can’t anymore. I needed space. I needed something to belong to ME.”
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“When I wanted to quit my job he said sure. Stay home with your kids? Girls nights out? Breaks from your babies laying bra-less in bed for far too long? He’ll provide for it all. Magic like this man doesn’t happen very often. So, try to capture some of it. Stand in his presence—and enjoy what it feels like to be free. To be fully seen and loved anyhow.”
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“As I leaned toward the mirror, slipping mascara onto my lashes, I heard more grumbling. I froze. I was stuck in their moment with no place to go. ‘I’m so sorry,’ my father said. I sat on my bed, the door cracked open. I was a self-absorbed, twenty-something at the time, bouncing back and forth between two men like a rubber ball. But this moment struck me. Tears fell onto my jeans because I finally realized something—THIS is marriage.”
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