“Rowen’s skull was swelling. He started grabbing his head constantly and screaming. He was throwing up non-stop and couldn’t even turn his head. I kept hearing time and time again from doctors, ‘You just need some sleep.’ It got to the point where every time they saw me, they asked, ‘Are you getting sleep? You need it badly.’ I started to doubt myself. Was I going crazy? But deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. I decided to go with my gut. Enough was ENOUGH.”
“I never talked about FA with friends, classmates, or professors. I exhausted myself doing so much walking around campus, attempting to keep up and pretend everything was ok. I had tunnel vision; walking on my own was all I cared about… until I had no choice.”
“I had lunch at Sam’s Club with my twins. A little girl with blonde hair ran up and sat next to us. I looked around for the mom. Didn’t see anyone. ‘This is so odd. If the mom doesn’t come over soon, I’ll have to get an employee.’ I’m searching all the women at the food court. Dad finally walks up. ‘Hey, thanks for letting her sit here.’ I smiled. ‘No problem at all!’ When it was time to go, we walked towards the door. She followed us. I got a little uneasy. Is she scared of him? Then he approached us.”
“I did not choose infidelity or deceit. I chose to trust the man I’d married, and I was deceived. Yet I don’t blame myself for that; I can’t control another person’s choices. I can only control my own choices.”
“He began disappearing for days. He had no care at all about my pregnancy. I knew something was going on. Little did I know, I’d get the shock of my life. I was excited he agreed to come home for dinner. As I was emptying the pockets in his jeans for laundry, I knew what it was immediately. A glass container used to store drugs. ‘How could he?’ I thought. I sat there crying, holding so tightly to my baby bump, telling her not to worry, I would fix her dad before she got here.”
“You know those kinds of days where everything that can go wrong does? Yesterday was that day. I’d gotten no sleep before the littles began stirring. The rest of the day was a blur of school lessons, cleaning, runs to multiple stores for ONE thing. Supper was a complete FAIL. I needed to wash my hair because, let’s face it, one can only use dry shampoo for so long, but I hadn’t any energy to muster for that daunting task. Then a thought silently crept across my mind: ‘Ask Donald.’ I had to lay my pride aside.”
“He may not hold my hand, my husband, but he also doesn’t hold me back.”
“As I leaned toward the mirror, slipping mascara onto my lashes, I heard more grumbling. I froze. I was stuck in their moment with no place to go. ‘I’m so sorry,’ my father said. I sat on my bed, the door cracked open. I was a self-absorbed, twenty-something at the time, bouncing back and forth between two men like a rubber ball. But this moment struck me. Tears fell onto my jeans because I finally realized something—THIS is marriage.”
“Their voice ricochets off walls and it’s surprising glass doesn’t shatter. If you take out their batteries, they STILL RUN WILDLY. They were born with an opinion—about everything. We question. We doubt. We feel guilty. The stress-filled knots in our shoulders grow tighter each day. And worse, WE THINK WE’RE FAILING.”
“Oliver was on vacation with his dad when I got the call. ‘He stopped walking.’ Weeks pass. His lymph nodes are swollen. Something just wasn’t right. I remember telling my boss, ‘I have to leave!’ Before I could even get a response, I was gone. I’m worried the ER doctor missed something. The doctor is quiet. I can see in her eyes she is trying to stay calm for me, but something is there. I scream. Deep down, she knows something I don’t.”
