Over the last few years, more married couples are choosing to sleep in separate beds or even separate bedrooms—a practice sometimes dubbed a “sleep divorce.” While the term may sound drastic, it doesn’t refer to ending a marriage but to partners opting for separate sleeping arrangements to improve their rest. Once considered taboo or a sign of marital trouble, this trend is now common in the U.S. and gaining traction in Europe as well. We’ll explore why couples are making this choice, what experts and research say about its impact on relationships, and the balanced pros and cons of sleeping apart. We also analyze how differing sleep patterns (such as one partner being a night owl and the other an early bird) factor into this trend and answer frequently asked questions about this modern relationship practice.
Spoiler: The key to success, experts say, is finding the arrangement that keeps both partners healthy, happy, and emotionally connected—whether that means sharing a bed or not.
The Rise of Sleeping Separately Among Couples
Sleeping in the same bed has long been considered a hallmark of married life, but recent statistics indicate a significant shift. According to a 2023 survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, more than one-third of Americans (35%) say they occasionally or consistently sleep in a separate room from their partner. This trend—often referred to as a “sleep divorce”—is on the rise. Notably, it’s more common among younger couples: almost 43% of Millennials admit to regularly sleeping apart, compared to 33% of Gen X and only 22% of Baby Boomers. In other words, younger generations are increasingly open to unconventional sleep setups to preserve quality rest.
The U.S. isn’t alone in this development. In the U.K., about 1 in 5 couples now sleep apart regularly, and nearly 30% of couples have permanently separate sleeping arrangements in pursuit of a good night’s rest. One UK survey even reported that 8 in 10 couples have tried sleeping apart at least once. Across Europe, while figures vary, the stigma around separate beds appears to be fading. Historically, separate beds were not unheard of—from the twin beds featured in mid-20th-century TV shows to the common Scandinavian practice of using two duvets on one bed to minimize disturbances. What’s changing now is that couples are openly discussing it as a practical solution rather than a sign of trouble. As one sleep expert put it, “We’ve been conned by the idea we should sleep together if we’re in a relationship,” suggesting that the one-bed-fits-all expectation no longer applies.
Why Are Couples Choosing Separate Beds?
Couples choose separate beds primarily to get better sleep. It’s rarely about a lack of love or intimacy—it’s about addressing sleep incompatibility issues. Here are the most common factors driving this trend:
Snoring and Sleep Apnea
A snoring spouse is frequently the number one culprit prompting partners to sleep apart. In one UK survey, 71% of those sleeping apart cited snoring as a major reason. Loud, frequent snoring—often due to undiagnosed obstructive sleep apnea—can disrupt sleep quality significantly. Similarly, a U.S. poll by the AASM found snoring to be a key trigger for seeking a “sleep divorce.” When one partner’s nocturnal buzz-saw sounds keep the other awake, a separate bed can be a practical solution.
Different Sleep Schedules and Chronotypes
Many couples have mismatched internal clocks. One partner might be an early bird who retires by 9 PM, while the other is a night owl who peaks at midnight. These differing chronotypes can make sharing a bed challenging. In a survey of 800 people, “conflicting sleep/wake schedules” was tied with snoring as a top reason couples stopped sharing a bed—56% cited schedule mismatch versus 57% for snoring. When one partner’s late-night TV or early morning alarm consistently disrupts the other’s slumber, separate sleeping arrangements become appealing.
Restless Sleeping and Different Preferences
Some individuals are restless sleepers who toss, turn, or even sleepwalk, turning the shared bed into a nighttime roller coaster. Additionally, couples may have different preferences—one might favor a firm mattress while the other needs a softer one, or one runs hot while the other piles on blankets. In one survey, 35% of couples blamed restless tossing and turning for their sleep separation. Instead of forcing one partner to compromise, sleeping apart can be a practical solution.
Insomnia or Other Sleep Disorders
If one spouse has chronic insomnia or experiences frequent nightmares, they might prefer not to disturb their partner’s sleep. Over 54% of Millennial couples who sleep separately cited a sleep disorder as a reason for their arrangement. Allowing each person to manage their sleep issues independently can be the healthiest choice.
Different Work Schedules or Lifestyle Habits
In today’s 24/7 economy, not all couples work standard hours. Those with non-traditional work shifts—such as nurses, firefighters, or remote workers—may find that sleeping apart is simply a logistical necessity. If one partner works night shifts or late hours, a separate room can help avoid sleep disturbances. Similarly, a new parent might temporarily need a separate room to ensure essential rest for the healthy partner.
Kristen Ferris, a divorce attorney, discusses what she has seen with relation to sleep divorce and the impact it has on marriages. Her take focuses more on the intimacy needed to maintain a healthy marriage and what happens to that intimacy once couples begin a sleep divorce and begin sleeping in separate beds.
@nydivorcelawyerkristen Is it okay for spouses to sleep in separate beds? #divorce #divorced #divorceparty #divorcedlife #divorcedmom #divorcesucks #divorcecoach #divorcedparents #divorceattorney #divorcesupport #divorceparties #divorcehelp #divorcerecovery #DivorceForce #divorcecourt #divorcecommunity #divorcedonedifferently #divorceddad #divorcechaos #divorceproceedings #divorcedmoms #divorcee #divorcecoaching #divorcees #marriage #divorcelawyer #relationships #divorcesurvivor
Then there are those who swear their sleep divorce has actually saved their marriage. Take the experience of this wife, who encourages partners to try it:
@teawiththeteach If you’re thinking about “sleep divorce,” you should give it a try. Its been great for my marriage, health, and happiness. Sometimes couples are incompatible sleepers. You dont have to suffer. Its ok! #sleepdivorce #sleep #sleephygiene #marriage #health #funny #cpap #sleepapnea #sleepdeprivedmom
Expert Opinions: Does Sleeping Separately Help or Hurt Relationships?
Quality Sleep Can Save Your Relationship
Dr. Shelby Harris, a clinical psychologist and sleep specialist, asserts, “Sleeping separately is a normal, common, and healthy solution for a lot of couples who aren’t getting the sleep they need” Likewise, Dr. Seema Khosla, medical director of a sleep center, explains, “Poor sleep can worsen your mood, and those who are sleep deprived are more likely to argue with their partners” Improved sleep often leads to reduced irritability and increased daytime harmony.
Personal Space and Independence
Relationship counselor Katie Bingner told Business Insider, “Romantic relationships thrive when there is a healthy respect for the individuality of each partner. Having your own space can help you and your partner feel safe, free, and seen as individuals” For many couples, separate bedrooms provide the autonomy to create a sleep environment tailored to personal preferences—leading to better rest and less daily conflict.
Not a Sign of Doom—If Done for the Right Reasons
Sociologists and psychologists emphasize that if separate beds are a mutual decision to improve sleep quality, they do not necessarily signal marital trouble. A 2007 study in the journal Sleep noted that separate sleeping does not automatically indicate an unhappy relationship. Renowned sleep researcher Dr. Wendy Troxel has found that many couples who sleep apart remain happy, provided they continue to nurture intimacy and communication.
The Risk of Emotional Distance
Conversely, some experts caution that sleeping apart might reduce spontaneous intimacy. Counselor Katie Bingner warns, “Sleeping apart can create emotional distance” if couples do not intentionally plan for physical closeness. Without the nightly routine of sharing a bed, couples must work harder to maintain physical and emotional connection, otherwise the practice could become a convenient way to avoid addressing deeper issues. But there are other ways to deepen emotional bonds in your relationship.
What Does The Data Say?
Opinions from experts are great, but it’s difficult to argue with verifiable data from sleep trackers such as Fitbit, Apple Watch or Oura Ring. Let’s look at the data comparing sleep quality when couples share a bed versus when they sleep separately (the colloquial “sleep divorce”). Researchers have analyzed metrics like sleep efficiency, sleep disturbances, REM sleep, and heart rate variability (HRV) to understand the effects of co-sleeping. Below, we present key findings from studies and surveys, backed by authoritative sources, along with insights and expert commentary on what the data mean for couples’ sleep health.
Sleep Efficiency and Duration: Together vs. Apart
Sleep efficiency – essentially how well one sleeps throughout the night – often differs based on whether partners share a bed. Notably, a large study of 1,007 adults (using both wearable sleep data and validated questionnaires) found that those who slept with a romantic partner “most nights” experienced significantly better sleep continuity than those sleeping solo.
Specifically, people regularly sharing a bed:
- Fell asleep faster: They had a shorter sleep latency by about 6.3 minutes on average, meaning they drifted off more quickly than those who never share a bed.
- Stayed asleep longer: They spent fewer minutes awake after initially falling asleep – waking up 8.7 minutes less during the night (WASO) compared to solo sleepers. In other words, co-sleepers’ sleep was less fragmented.
- Logged more total sleep: On average they got more time asleep each night than people who slept alone. One study noted an increase of roughly 15 minutes of extra sleep for frequent co-sleepers. This higher nightly sleep duration boosts overall sleep efficiency.
- Reported less insomnia and fatigue: Sharing a bed most nights was linked to significantly lower insomnia severity scores and less daytime fatigue. In contrast, those who slept alone more often had greater insomnia complaints and sleepiness.
On the flip side, for couples who struggle with disruptions, sleeping apart can improve certain efficiency metrics. In a SleepFoundation.org survey (2023) of 1,250 U.S. adults, the small subset who adopted a “sleep divorce” (sleeping in separate beds/rooms) reported meaningful gains in sleep:
- 52.9% said sleeping apart improved their sleep quality, often dramatically.
- They slept about 37 minutes more per night on average once they started sleeping separately, compared to when they shared a bed.
This suggests that removing a disruptive partner (snoring, tossing, etc.) can boost total sleep time for some individuals. Indeed, common reasons cited for sleeping separately were a partner’s snoring or mismatched schedules. It’s also worth noting, men snore more than women, and are 2 to 3 times more likely to have sleep apnea. Therefore, it’s reasonable to assume women will benefit more from a sleep divorce. - Notably, when some of these couples “recoupled” (returned to sleeping together after a period apart), they actually gained back a bit more sleep. Those who reunited in bed averaged 10–12 minutes more sleep than they did while apart, and ~40% said their sleep quality improved upon sleeping together again.
This rebound may occur once the original sleep-disrupting issues (like treating the snoring or adjusting schedules) are resolved, combining the comfort of togetherness with solid sleep habits.
Key takeaway: Partners who sleep well together usually enjoy high sleep efficiency – falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer.
However, if a partner is causing frequent wake-ups (from snoring, movement, or other disturbances), a strategic move to separate sleeping arrangements can significantly increase uninterrupted sleep time (in one poll, +37 minutes)
It’s a balance between intimacy and restfulness, and couples may find creative solutions (like using earplugs, bigger mattresses, or occasional separate nights) to get “the best of both worlds.”
Balancing the Debate
The decision to sleep separately is highly personal. While improved sleep can reduce stress and conflict, it may also require a proactive effort to preserve intimacy. Many couples who adopt separate beds find that scheduling dedicated “together time”—such as a nightly cuddle or a morning coffee ritual—helps counterbalance any potential loss of connection.
Sleep Science: How Sharing a Bed (or Not) Affects Well-Being
Impact on Sleep Quality
Research indicates that sharing a bed can sometimes reduce sleep quality. A study from the University of Michigan found that one partner’s movements or snoring can compromise the other’s sleep. Micro-awakenings throughout the night may not be consciously noticed but can add up, leading to less restorative sleep for both individuals.
Different Chronotypes and Sleep Disorders
When partners have different chronotypes—one being an early riser and the other a night owl—it can be difficult to share a bed without one disturbing the other. A review in Chronobiology International notes that sleep disruptions due to mismatched schedules can lead to daytime conflicts. Moreover, sleep disorders such as obstructive sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, or chronic insomnia can further complicate shared sleeping arrangements. Couples who choose separate beds often report gaining an extra 30–40 minutes of uninterrupted sleep per night.
Emotional and Relationship Benefits
Conversely, shared sleeping does offer benefits: physical touch during sleep (like cuddling or a morning kiss) releases oxytocin, the “bonding” hormone, which helps strengthen emotional ties. However, if these benefits are outweighed by poor sleep quality and subsequent irritability, the net effect on the relationship can be negative. Research shows that well-rested individuals tend to have improved mood, lower stress, and better interpersonal interactions—all of which contribute to a healthier relationship.
Pros and Cons of Sleeping in Separate Beds
Pros
- Improved Sleep Quality:
Without disruptions like snoring or partner movement, couples often sleep more soundly. Studies indicate that those who sleep separately can gain up to 37 extra minutes of uninterrupted sleep per night, leading to reduced irritability and better overall health. - Personal Space and Autonomy:
Separate beds allow each partner to create their ideal sleep environment—whether that means a specific mattress firmness, room temperature, or darkness level—enhancing personal comfort and satisfaction. - Reduced Conflict:
Eliminating nightly disturbances can remove a major cause of conflict. Well-rested partners tend to be more patient and less prone to arguments during the day. - Health Improvements:
Addressing sleep disorders like snoring or insomnia through separate sleeping can lead to better health outcomes for both partners, reducing the risk of chronic fatigue, stress, and related issues.
Cons
- Reduced Spontaneous Intimacy:
Sharing a bed naturally offers opportunities for cuddling and late-night conversation. Without this, couples might experience a reduction in spontaneous physical intimacy, requiring extra effort to maintain closeness. - Potential for Miscommunication:
If one partner desires more closeness while the other favors separate sleeping, it can lead to feelings of rejection or emotional distance. Open communication is critical to ensure that the decision is mutually beneficial. - Social Stigma:
Despite growing acceptance, some families or social circles may still view separate beds as a sign of marital issues. This external pressure can occasionally create internal doubts if not addressed openly. - Loss of Bedtime Bonding:
Couples lose the incidental connection that comes from sharing a bed—those small moments of intimacy that often help them feel close before starting the day. Without alternative rituals, this can diminish the emotional connection you feel with your partner.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: What is a “sleep divorce”?
A: A “sleep divorce” is a colloquial term for when a couple chooses to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms to improve sleep quality. It doesn’t mean the couple is divorcing—rather, they are making a pragmatic choice for better rest.
Q: How common is it for married couples to sleep in separate beds?
A: Surveys suggest that roughly 25–35% of couples in the U.S. occasionally or consistently sleep apart. Among Millennials, the figure is even higher—almost 43% have tried sleeping separately, similar trends are emerging in the U.K. and across Europe.
Q: Does sleeping in separate beds hurt intimacy?
A: Not necessarily. While sharing a bed naturally promotes physical closeness, many couples who sleep apart report improved overall relationship satisfaction because they are better rested and less irritable. The key is to intentionally schedule quality time together.
Q: What are the benefits of sleeping in separate beds?
A: Benefits include improved sleep quality, reduced conflicts, better health, and increased personal space. However, it requires proactive efforts to maintain intimacy outside of the bedroom.
Q: How can we maintain intimacy if we sleep apart?
A: Strategies include establishing bedtime rituals (like a short cuddle session before retreating), scheduling regular date nights, and ensuring open communication about your needs. Even small gestures—like morning hugs—can go a long way.
Q: Is the separate-bed trend here to stay?
A: Trends indicate that the practice is growing. As more couples prioritize quality sleep and well-being, separate beds are increasingly seen as a practical solution rather than a sign of marital problems. Cultural attitudes are evolving, and many view this as just one option for a healthy relationship.
The rising trend of married couples sleeping in separate beds reflects a broader shift in how modern relationships prioritize well-being. With the growing popularity of the so-called “sleep divorce,” many couples are discovering that improved sleep quality leads to reduced stress, better health, and even a more intentional connection during waking hours. While sharing a bed has its undeniable benefits—like spontaneous intimacy and nighttime bonding—the decision to sleep apart is often a strategic one, aimed at enhancing overall quality of life.
What defines a successful marriage isn’t solely determined by sharing a blanket at 2 AM, but by how well both partners thrive when awake—through trust, empathy, and shared moments of connection. Whether you choose to share a bed every night or opt for a periodic sleep divorce, the key is to prioritize communication, adjust as life changes, and celebrate the fact that every couple is unique. After all, the love that lasts is about more than sleep.