“My periods were out of control, I did nothing but bleed constantly. I would fill overnight pads within an hour. I stayed in pain, it was unbearable. My husband came home on his lunch and found me doubled over in the floor, unable to move.”
‘I’m finally happy, and now I’m going to die?’ I was losing blood from somewhere. My heart sank. I was terrified. All I could think about were my children and my husband.’
‘To the 18 year old kid I stopped, you were minutes away from an unspeakable Christmas tragedy. If not only killing yourself, you were on your way to killing an innocent person.’
“You said you didn’t realize how fast you were going. That’s a lie. You were scared when I stopped you. You were visibly shaking and breathing hard. Unfortunately, you were scared for the wrong reason.”
‘I have no—I mean NO—idea what I want. When I’m with my kids, I crave alone time. When we’re together as a family, I wish it were just my husband and me.’
“Anyone else? Just me? I don’t want to be discontent. I don’t want to accept my heart’s crummy tendency as normal.”
‘Mommy! I’m going to ask Santa for a baby in your belly!’ Doing all I could to keep it together, I replied, ‘That may be a hard promise for him to keep.’
“‘Well,’ she paused. ‘Five days is a long time. If it were me, I’d want to know.’ I could not get her words out of my head. I purchased the finest pregnancy tests 8 quarters could buy.”
‘Please think about how you would feel. If your everything. Were no longer here. Please know that for some. This is the absolute most difficult time of the year.’
“Always offer us an invitation, even if we do not want to attend. Please know that we are not jealous of your joy. But that seeing others happy can be a devastating reminder.”
‘I lay in bed with wires and IV’s attached to me. A nurse walked in, armed with a breast pump. ‘You need to start pumping,’ she said. Excuse me?’
“A confused expression took over my face. I was barely alive.”
‘I heard them bring up me and say, ‘Wow another pregnancy! Geez I hope you guys can afford it.’ He looked over at me while I had tears in my eyes.’
“Then they said, ‘Gosh it must be boring being at home all day, what does she do all day? I guess she’s not going back to work? Must be nice.’ And they giggled to each other with their stupid faces.”
‘We thought we were too young! A proposal? She proceeded to tell us about a little baby boy, only 2 months old, who was ready to come home in three weeks. THREE WEEKS!’
“A few days later we pulled into the foster home and met our son for the first time. There are no words that can truly explain that experience, but I can say it is possible to love someone you just met.”
‘At first they thought both stuck, then they thought it was a chemical pregnancy, and then they weren’t sure if it was viable. Then I found blood. I was 100% sure I was losing the twins.’
“At first he was speechless, and then asked me if it was real. Next thing I know he is in tears, then I’m in tears.”
‘His skull looked as thin as a piece of paper. We were given the option to terminate at 7 months pregnant. He’s not dead yet.’
“The next day I got the call. ‘Jessica, can you come into the doctor’s office tonight?’ I was just heading out the door for work, but she said, ‘Jessica, you need to come in now please’.”
