The teen years are a tumultuous time for many. As a parent or caregiver, it’s important to understand how to identify concerning language and behaviors in order to provide support for your teenager.
Read on to learn some common examples of mental unrest in teens as well as effective methods to help.
Examples Of Concerning Behaviors In Teens
Below are ten examples of concerning behaviors in teens and how they may present verbally:
1. Unexplained Anger
“I’m mad. I don’t know why. Sometimes I wake up mad; other days it creeps up on me. I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel good. I wish I wasn’t so mad, but I am. I can’t help it.”
2. Feeling Trapped In An Endless Cycle
“Every day is a prison, trapped inside this changing body, repeating the same day over and over. My whole life is made up of things I have to do, not things I want to do. Tests, quizzes, reading assignments, papers, group projects. I spend the entire day with people I am forced to be with: teenagers who feel just as messed up as me.”
3. Constant Hurt
“Sometimes my feelings get hurt at school by teachers, deans, and counselors, but mostly by other students. I don’t tell you this because I’m ashamed to feel hurt. I don’t want you to know how hurt I feel all the time.”
4. Lack Of Motivation
“My whole life has become ‘I don’t want to…’ I don’t want to wake up. I don’t want to go to bed. I don’t want to go to school. I don’t want to…I don’t want to…I don’t want to.”
5. Intense Desire To Sleep
“I can’t think of a single thing that I want to do except sleep. It’s the only time I’m not stressing, the only time I’m not worried, and the only time I’m not upset.”
6. Need For Constant Distraction
“Sometimes I hide in my room and binge watch Netflix, YouTube, or mindless videos over and over because I can’t stand to be with my own thoughts. I’m distracting myself from me. Does that sound crazy?”
7. Perpetually Messy Room
“Yes, I know that my room is a mess. I like it that way. It looks how I feel inside. And please don’t ask me what’s wrong, because I don’t know. I don’t know where these feelings came from.”
8. Aggressive Or Mean-Spirited Language
“I know that you’re mad at me. I can’t blame you. I stopped talking to you. Sometimes I say such mean things to you, horrible things. I blame you, curse at you, push you away. Sometimes I break things, because I feel broken inside.”
9. Longing For Childhood
“It wasn’t always this way. When I look at old photos of me in elementary school, I see a little kid who was so happy all the time. A little kid who loved to dance and sing, who loved to be silly, and who didn’t care what people thought. I feel like that little kid is dead.”
10. Craving Extra Love And Affection
“I’m going to tell you something now that’s hard to say. Please listen, because I really mean it: Don’t give up on me. Don’t hate me back. I need you to be stronger than me. I need you to be my parent, even though I say I don’t want one. I need you to be more patient than I can be, more understanding, more accepting. Even when I am yelling at you, even when I tell you that I hate you, I still need you to love me.”
How To Support Teen Mental Health
If your teenager could tell you how to help, this is most likely what they would say:
1. Give Me Space
“Don’t come in my room, corner me, or make demands. I don’t have any answers. When you push me or yell at me, I feel worse. I need to be alone. I need space.”
2. Don’t Yell At Me
“The noise in my head is so loud sometimes that I can barely hear my own thoughts. I can’t stand it. When you yell, I feel worse about myself. I feel unloved. I feel like I am your biggest disappointment.”
3. Take My Electronics Away
“I can’t put my phone down; I try, but I just can’t. I know it’s devouring all my time, but I can’t help myself; I can’t stop checking it. I need your help. I need you to set limits on technology. Please. I will fight you, but it’s what I need. Don’t try to reason with me, just do it.”
4. Bring Me Someplace Quiet
I say I don’t want anything to do with you. However, if you could bring me somewhere quiet, somewhere we could walk together and not argue, somewhere I can feel the sun and listen to the wind in the trees, somewhere I can breathe and forget about everything that’s bothering me, I think I would like that. Even if we don’t speak, I will feel comforted.
5. Stop Spoiling Me
“Stop giving me everything I want. The more you give me, the more I resent you. I want to earn things. It helps me feel grown up. I want to learn how to save money, spend money, share money.
I’m never going to learn that if you keep giving it to me. I hate being dependent on you; please help me become independent.”
6. Find Me Someone To Talk To
“I need someone to look up to who isn’t you. I need an adult to admire, someone I want to be like, a person who believes in me, who pushes me, and who understands me. I need a mentor, a counselor, a therapist…anyone who can give me hope when I have too little for myself.”
7. Tell Me You Love Me
“I pretend not to care, but I really need to hear you say the words, ‘I love you.’ Because, right now, I don’t love me. Even though I’m making your life hell, I still need to feel loved. Especially by you.”
Being a parent to a teenager can be very hard but it will always get better, especially if you take the time to support and love your teen unconditionally.
This story was written by Sean Grover and later augmented. You can follow his journey on Facebook. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best love stories.
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