“It’s over! Finally, it’s over. After battling and waiting two years for the door to close, it’s finally firmly shut, locked, and bolted. It’s done.
The last tie to my toxic ex has been undone and I’m finally free to focus on who and what is important to me and what to channel my precious energy into. There were so many red flags I should have seen and noticed, but coercive control is hard to spot and often overlooked. It’s just lots of little things you don’t even realize have been going on. By the time I realized, I thought it was too late. But believe me, it’s never too late to break out.
I had a mortgage and thought that was it, I’m done. I’m trapped, there is no escape. But there was. It got to the point I didn’t care about the money I saved to put in. I didn’t care about the hours I spent working on the house and garden and that vision of my ‘happy home’ being shattered into a million pieces.
When your mental state is declining and you’re losing who you are day by day, to the point you don’t even recognize yourself in the mirror because you don’t know how to think for yourself anymore, it’s time to go. When you’re lying in bed at night feeling like you’re suffocating and can’t sleep because you feel so trapped and can’t see a way out, pack your bags and leave.
There is a way out. There is an escape. It may not be an easy and a straightforward one, but it’s there. Figure out how to get it. Grab it with both hands and don’t let go until you get there. It will be hard. It will be so tough emotionally and you will have to spend time healing yourself and undoing the damage that’s been done, but it will be so worth it.
You will become so much stronger as a person. You shouldn’t have to learn how, but you do, so embrace it. Build your life up again. Spend time with friends and family. Change your circle so it’s only love and peace, and if it’s anything different walk away. You’ve been through enough. You don’t need to go through it again. Be assertive with what you want, realize your worth, and don’t settle for any less.
It’s better to be single, respecting yourself and slowly healing, than being with someone who sees you as a possession and disrespects you daily. It will not be an easy ride. It takes so much inner strength to rise above, but when the day comes when your family says, ‘Today we finally saw the old you back,’ it will hit you so hard you’ll realize how much toxicity you absorbed and how you were becoming a shell of your former self.
Everything you believed and the morals you once had all become distorted and you started seeing the world through a toxic lens, but the sad thing is you didn’t even realize you were doing it. But there will be a moment when something is said, something happens, and in that moment you feel all the emotions and devastation slap you in the face and it gives you the strength to fight.
You’ll realize everything that’s been happening and find ways to be you again, and you’ll be so proud of who you’ve become. Things become things, a home soon becomes bricks and mortar, furniture becomes objects, and the life once lived becomes an unimaginable nightmare.
But now I am happy, I am content. I’m still on my journey to healing, but I’m seeing the world through the eyes I want to see it through. I’ve worked hard to undo the toxic traits I learned. I’ve become a softer, kinder me where I don’t feel angry and tense all the time.
I’m learning how to communicate without it turning into a full on blazing argument. I’m learning I don’t need to be defensive all the time because I’m not constantly under attack. I have a family and friends support network that have helped me change and seen me grow.
I have a happy, healthy relationship built on respect and trust where we know and honor each others’ boundaries. I have a partner who was patient enough to wait and slowly break down the walls, brick by brick, when I was hardened and wouldn’t let anyone inside.
I have the most loyal, kind, and caring fiancé who is standing by me through thick and thin. And even while going through all this sh*t and giving him the ‘get out of jail card,’ he threw it back in my face and reassured me he wouldn’t be going anywhere.
‘A life with you with FND is better than a life without you in it at all.’ The best things happen when you least expect it, and when you find the person who treats you right, you’ll finally know what love is supposed to feel like. But please don’t settle until you do.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by The Blondie Northerner of Northwest England. You can follow her journey on Facebook. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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