LJ Herman is a former editor at Love What Matters and lives in Colorado. LJ is a concert, ticket and technology enthusiast. He has seen the Dave Mathews Band over one hundred times and counting.

LJ Herman is a former editor at Love What Matters and lives in Colorado. LJ is a concert, ticket and technology enthusiast. He has seen the Dave Mathews Band over one hundred times and counting.
“Since the age of 13 when I began to crave that drivers license, 16 when I began to crave freedom, 18 when I began to crave independence, I’ve been wishing to be further ahead in time. If only we knew how fast the time would actually go.”
“Loose skin, stretched skin, white lines. Abdominal separation, prolapses, third degree tears and cesarean scars. Weight gain and weight loss. Wider hips, bigger breasts. It’s all there. A body that is a far cry from what it was. ‘Babies ruin bodies’”
“I found myself staring at the reflection of a woman I hardly recognized. Her hair an unkempt mess. Eyes dark and tired. Skin dull and sullen. She looked like she had given up on herself, and in a way, she had.”
“I never get pimples on my back. Never… but occasionally my body says, ‘Hey, remember what it’s like to be 14? Well here’s an eruption for you. I got a real big juicy one right in the middle of my back.’ I think it’s all good because, she’s a woman, she will get it. He says, ‘Laura?’ Real slowly. I sigh and say, ‘Yep that’s me.’ FML. No no no No. NO.'”
“I woke up 15 minutes later, still delirious when my doctor opened the door. I sat in silence. Click…click…click. The silence continued. I knew something wasn’t right. I put one arm on his back and one over my eyes and began to sob. I am a ‘fixer’ and I couldn’t fix this.”
“But they fail to mention how that baby grows. That little one who once rested so perfectly upon your chest doesn’t fit there quite so well anymore. And you forget to hold the baby. But that babe, your growing babe, still needs you.”
“Everything you own fits in a backpack. You look up to see a uniformed officer walking towards you. Your mind flutters thinking of everything you might be doing wrong. I don’t know this man or this officer, but what I do know is today they made a difference.”
“But as I would learn, I wasn’t actually alone.”
“I knew everything that was wrong with me. I didn’t need a list to point them out in black and white. I’d known since I was little. And I was over it. 35 years of that mess was enough. So, I deleted everything, and I started blank.”
“I looked at her puzzled, so she continued. ‘And. You are happy he is here AND you are happy you don’t have to see him right now. You don’t have to choose.’ After we left our session that day, I couldn’t stop thinking about that one little word.”