“I was particularly comfortable, stretched out in my tempur-pedic dream bed. I was mid-dream when I felt a poke. Startled, I looked up to find my son at my bedside. He leaned in and whispered, ‘Mommy, can I sleep with you?’ I looked at the clock. It was 1:18am. It’s been 700+ nights now, and each and every night he comes to my bedside.”
“It took me 3 years to take a chance and take a year leave of absence. Three years of planning, asking opinions, making budgets, obsessing. When I put in my leave, I expected to hear, ‘how can you let the students down,’ ‘how will you afford it,’ ‘are you giving up your career,’ ‘have you really thought about this?’ Trust me, I did hear all of those comments and then some, but what really stuck with me were the unexpected responses.”
“I was at lunch with friends when my phone rang. I didn’t pull it out of my coat pocket. Soon, I got this overwhelming feeling to check it. My heart literally stopped. ‘It’s the adoption agency.’ I could barely get the words out. Both my friends yelled, ‘IS IT A BABY?!’ I rushed outside. There was a 2-pound baby born 3 months early. ‘He’s not breathing.’ We were presented a long list of medical issues. ‘Are we ready? Can we even do this?!’ We decided to let fate take over.”
“I went to a party up the street. I somehow made it home, brought a guy with me, and my body became an object. I remember my mom coming down and demanding the guy leave, and as it was happening, the house was getting robbed. I played the victim. I went to work while my family was left to deal with the mess. I had a beautiful baby girl and still, this did not stop me. I was physically taking care of my baby and bathing, feeding, and caring for her. But did I really care? Those words are haunting.”
“I was living two separate lives. ‘Just this one time,’ I told myself as I inhaled my first line of cocaine one month after my best friend’s funeral. I would wake up, do a line. Go to class, do a line in the bathroom. Go home, do a line. Then came the needle. I felt the warm release of the heroin shooting through my veins. My stepdad found me. I couldn’t move, my body instantly got cold. ‘Oh, sweetheart. You don’t look like an addict.’ I lay there for what felt like forever, fading in and out of consciousness.”
“I find myself asking, once again, why bad things happen. When I get to heaven, I have a lot of questions for God. I try to never let people wonder how I feel about them, because what if I don’t get the chance to tell them again? Imagine what a wonderful place this world would be if we all were just born understanding how precious life is.”
“We all experience difficult times in our lives. As much as I would love to push the negativity aside and focus on the positive, that’s not always possible. And I don’t think it’s healthy. True healing does not look like personal development books and good vibes only.”
“I didn’t want to waste any moment I could have with him. It was hard not to notice his body changing, the color leaving, his skin hardening and getting so cold. I often wonder if I made the right decision keeping him with me for so long–but I know I did. Then the time came to hand him over. The nurse kept telling me to take as much time as I needed and I finally had to tell her, ‘If you keep telling me that, I will never leave.’ He gave me the biggest gift of all: he made me a mother.”
“I asked him to get me something from my bag. He said, ‘Ummm why is there a Nerf gun in here?’ Mom hack level 1,000.”
“Sure, some days look like 50/50. I’ll cook dinner as he sets the table. I’ll do the dishes as he sweeps the floor. But a relationship is one day showing up 80, while giving grace when your partner can only show up 20. And one day showing up 30, while giving thanks to your partner who is showing up 70. We have chosen to never keep score.”
