“I was struggling in secret, terrified someone would find out. Bit-by-bit, I was disappearing. ‘You don’t need to use your body to show you’re hurting.’ School no longer mattered, and a monster was being born. Everyone walked on eggshells around me. Then all of a sudden, my parents learned what was happening. They were shocked.”
“There it was in my phone bill. The proof that something was wrong. I found text messages to another number all hours of the night. I called to pay my power bill and was asked ‘which address’ I wanted to apply the payment to. Then I knew. He had two places he was living. Two separate lives. ‘Honey, he doesn’t deserve your love.’ I was sure I’d never marry again, until our blind date.”
“I was shocked. My heart was beating out of my chest. I hadn’t seen these faces since I was 16, leaving the hospital.”
“We couldn’t find our son anywhere. We were stunned to hear what happened in the time he’d been ‘missing.’ As he came upon the bridge, he saw an outline of a person perched on the railing with her body leaning over the top, looking down toward the raging river. Eventually, she looked back at him with a terrifying look in her eyes. ‘How can I help?,’ he asked.”
“Three hours later, we became legal guardians for 2 adorable little toddlers. The first month, I felt like a horrible parent. ‘How did we end up here?’ Everything changed when news broke that our 2 littles were going to be placed with another family willing to take in all 3. My heart broke as the reality of foster care hit. I remember looking at Jared and saying, ‘I’m not ready to lose them.’ 0 to 4 kids in a year and a half? Why not??? We needed to take them all!”
“My son woke up Monday morning, came downstairs, and immediately ran over to his father’s office chair. Arms raised in exasperation, he turned toward me and asked, ‘Where’s Daddy?’ We’d just had a wonderful weekend, and I wasn’t ready for it to be over. ‘Daddy’s at work. He has to go to work to make money. He goes to work because he loves us.’”
“To the lady who told the cashier at Aldi I had a fake baby and was trying to smuggle yogurts out of the store: 1) My baby is 100% real. 2) Yogurts are like 25 cents. 3) I’m lactose intolerant and don’t consume dairy. Thank you for the laugh, though. I really needed it because I was up all night tending to my again, 100% real, baby. Parenting is hard enough; the judgement of strangers is not needed.”
“He found his old journal. ‘I threw it away. It made me sad to see who I was when I came to you.’ Both our eyes filled with tears. ‘It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know how to trust me.’ He slayed my heart, thanking me for dinner on a random Tuesday night. ‘I’m just so thankful I will have a meal each night,’ he said. I couldn’t even lift my head to look him in the eyes. He became worried he’d said something wrong.”
“When anxiety rears its ugly head, everything can look perfect. But all of a sudden, normal things feel like end-of-the-world things. Dirty dishes a mountain, laundry a tsunami, fighting kids a start of the third world war, bills are the crash of the stock market, relationship issues are the end of me having friends. Even though you can CLEARLY see it’s not, for me, that’s what the world feels like. You, my friend, can help me. You can love me in that space.”
“I want to pretend you’re in the other room, so I’ll even call your name. I want to taste it on my lips again. You fought, though. You fought so hard. But then you got so tired of fighting. The scars on my knees are a painful reminder of how I wouldn’t accept defeat with your last breath.”
