“I wish I could’ve jumped into one of those passing cars and pretended it never happened. That I hitchhiked, ran away, disappeared. I thought we could find someone to ‘fix’ my son. As the woman in the office spoke, I couldn’t take my eyes off her mouth. I knew the word that would come. I didn’t believe her.”
“My fiancé hardly had the car in park. I jumped out and ran down the driveway toward my son. Before I could get to Josh, two police officers held me back. I cried out, ‘My baby, my baby, I want my baby!’ At that moment, I knew my worst nightmare had come true. My precious son was gone in a blink of an eye.”
“That’s when get out our hammer and nails and build a NEW table and include EVERYONE who has ever been left standing on the outside of the circle begging for an invitation.”
“The next five minutes I spent trying to change the illusion of what I had just seen, pulling up the waist of my dark jeans a little higher, smoothing out the denim hoping that may give the twins a slimmer appearance. I pulled on the hem of my sweater a bit, pulling it down a little further than the widest part of my thighs, hoping once again to give a thinner illusion.”
“I said, ‘fine,’ all the while thinking, “this is dumb, this is dumb, this is dumb.’ Yet I realize this is one of those things I have to do now, on my own. So, I sent my daughter to the store to grab a bag, and $25.00 later, I’m ready to go. Or so I thought…”
“When she asked how far along I was, I told her, ‘just 3 weeks.’ She responded with, ‘Wow, you’re really on top of things.’ I felt like I loved Grace more? What was wrong with me? I didn’t tell anyone, not even my husband.”
“This was no ‘ear infection.’ How could I not have known? The walk to the hospital was silent. When we got to his room, he was still warm. It was the first time we’d seen him without tape, monitors, and wires all over. He was absolutely beautiful. I cried and kissed his cheeks. ‘I’m so proud of you. You were so strong. Thank you for letting me be your mommy.’ I cuddled him like I did the first day he was born. I gave him one final kiss, and handed him to his daddy.”
“In a Target bathroom, I took a pregnancy test. I just knew. I cried by myself in that stall, holding my belly, hoping everything would be okay this time. I kept the secret from my husband for 3 days to surprise him.”
“I paced a few hundred yards along the plot, sure it was there. But none of the names on the headstones were his. My anger brought a prick of tears to my eyes. Grief struck. Maybe it was the next plot over? But the next plot didn’t reveal his headstone either.”
“I know something about one of the children you don’t. You see two children holding hands and playing on a playground. Nothing special, just cute as usual. Children playing like they usually do, like they should be doing. But it is so much more than just that.”
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