How I Found My Identity Again (After Completely Losing Myself In Motherhood)

“As a mom of three under three and a husband in the Air Force, I did what many mothers before me have done and put my wants and needs in the back seat and buckled them up.

I got through each day, crying from one obstacle after another and wondering if I’d ever be able to shower without hearing a baby cry or eat a hot meal again. I’d lost myself to the point that I was ready to dot the I’s and cross the T’s in a contract that agreed I would stab my eyes with a fork daily if it meant I was able to feel like a person again.

Before I could sign that contract though, it was time to dig up the roots of our family tree (yet again) and find a new spot across the country to plant them again. It was then, in Victoria, with 2-year-old twins, a 4-year-old, and a husband who was currently barely around that I decided to get off the back burner and move to the front burner. Everyone’s secret favorite cooking spot.

Being a mom meant I was always cooking up stories of chaos and mayhem, adding my own herbs and spices to personalize my sarcastic words, and posting them on Facebook because writing had become a newly discovered passion. I wanted to share all of the relatable adventures of motherhood because the truth is a strangely freeing feeling.

I wasn’t sitting at home smashing motherhood so hard I should be on the cover of a parenting magazine – I was knee-deep in toilet training and sleep deprivation and I wanted other parents out there to know they weren’t alone. Before I knew it, parents from all over the world had found my mom blog and related to my stories.

That’s when I knew I wanted to write a children’s book for these families like mine. Books bring us together in this house, and I wanted to share that possibility with others too. A fun rhyming story for parents to sit with their kids and enjoy some quiet moments. Plus, who doesn’t like dragons!

I wrote at every chance I had. I even wrote in the middle of the night after settling someone back to sleep because not even my 2-year-old non-sleeping twins were stopping me!

After hard work and almost quitting seventy million times, my dreams became a reality and I finally published my first book last year. I grasped it in my hands and wondered, was it worth pushing my already limited time to create this? Yes, yes it was. I wrote a damn book!

Since then, we have moved again (of course), this time living in remote NT, our most challenging location to date. We’re all settled where our family continues to grow and thrive by overcoming any obstacles thrown our way (with a few tears from time to time because I’m not a concrete wall). I crumble from time to time before brushing away the dust and building myself back up.

Ember the Dragon is something I wrote during one of the most exhausting moments of my life, and it brings me so much joy when I hear my eldest telling people that her mom wrote a book. Proud daughter vibes give me proud mom vibes.

While sometimes we may lose ourselves in motherhood, sometimes we also find ourselves. Just like I did.

When I hear other people say they’ve lost themselves or they’ve been wanting to do something, I set off my encouragement sprinkler and shower them with positivity. It’s incredible what we can do when we set our minds to it, even if it takes longer than planned because life is busy.

A few short moments scattered throughout many days can eventually create those dreams. And when you do, just remember to shout it from the rooftops because everyone deserves to be celebrated!”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Katie Bowman of Living My Family Life. Purchase Katie’s book here. Submit your own story here.