‘I didn’t just lose my mother the day she died, I’ve lost her many times over the last 6 years.’: Woman reflects on grief journey after losing mom to cancer

I Lost Her

“I didn’t just lose my mother the day she died, I’ve lost her many times over the last 6 years.

I lost her in the ethnic food section at the grocery store when I saw the English can of ‘spotted dick’ sponge cake that she used to blush and chuckle over.

I lost her the day my baby boy started Kindergarten and I was left with the empty home my mother warned me would come so quickly.

I lost her the day I found a small bottle of her favorite perfume for the first time since she passed.

Mom and daughter pose for a photo on a cruise ship, both in black dresses and holding drinks — Courtesy of Lori Miggins

I lost her the day I went through her wallet and found treasures, handwritten sayings of life, lucky pennies, her favorite lipstick, and tons of tissues.

I lost her the day I picked up the phone to call to tell her some exciting news about life and I realized I could call, but she would never answer.

I lost her the day we moved in to our beautiful home and realized she would never get to see the view.

I lost her in the first sunset picture with a vivid orb that took my breath away.

I lost her on every birthday and holiday that I couldn’t put her on the invitation list or send a card to.

Young woman takes a photo with her parents with her 18th birthday cake in front of them — Courtesy of Lori Miggins

I lost her at every child’s sporting event, awards ceremony, and milestone that I wish I could have saved her a seat at.

I lost her the day I got the phone call from my baby brother telling me what had happened.

I lost her when I had to go through her empty home full of stuff she never got rid of.

I lost her the day we had our final text message and she never wrote me back.

I’ve lost her many times over the years, not just on the day she died. But I’ve also found her, too.

I Found Her

I found her in the ethnic aisle at the grocery store when I saw the can of ‘spotted dick’ and I chuckled out loud to myself, and I find her every time I see it.

I found her the day my baby boy started kindergarten and I thought of all the advice she had given me up until that moment.

Grandma snuggles with her newborn grandson — Courtesy of Lori Miggins

I found her the day I found a small bottle of her favorite perfume and now I have that amazing smell to bring me right back to her.

I found her the day I went through her wallet and now have her treasures, reread her handwritten notes, and allow the sight of tissues to warm my heart.

I found her the day I picked up the phone to call her and knew even though she wouldn’t answer, if it was up to her, she would.

I found her the day we moved in to our beautiful home and realized this view would bring me to her daily.

Three generations of women sit in the sand and look out over the water at the beach — Courtesy of Lori Miggins

I found her in the first sunset picture and now every single sunset picture I ever take.

I found her on her birthday and every holiday through memories and doing things she would’ve done.

I found her at every child’s sporting event, awards ceremony, and milestone as I know she was watching from the best seat of all, the one from up above, so any seat I saved her couldn’t have compared anyways.

I found her in those final texts and voicemails and handwritten cards, reading them over and over.

I’ve found her in all those places because no matter how many times I’ve lost her over the years, a part of her has always been with me, so she will always be wherever I am.”

Mom and daughter smile for a photo in a kitchen while holding drinks — Courtesy of Lori Miggins

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Lori Miggins of Lake Norman, NC. You can follow her journey on Facebook, Instagram, her website, and her podcast. Submit your own story  here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Lori here:

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