Amanda Doulos is a digital editor for Love What Matters based in New York City. She will graduate from Binghamton University with a Bachelor of English Literature and Spanish in Spring 2023. She loves staying involved as vice president of the mock trial team and secretary of Spanish Honor Society. In her free time, she loves reading, traveling, and spending time with friends.
“My body’s injustice and betrayal would send me fleeing to a quiet place where I wouldn’t be discovered by my kids. I’d hide in my closet, trying my hardest to muffle my crying. As the tears fell from my cheeks and were washed away, I’d wish they were carrying the sickness out of me.”
“My doctor looked me in the eyes, ’You’re not crazy. The pain you feel is real.’ It took everything in me not to cry. For the first time in 17 years, a doctor finally believed me.”
“I walked up to the cashier with a plunger and a six-pack of beer. ‘Merry Christmas!’ she beamed. I’m not sure I even said anything, but it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to see I wasn’t feeling the spirit. This wasn’t how I intended to spend Christmas Day.”
“I deliberately chose brown hearing aids to match my hair. ‘I want them to be invisible to everyone.’ I made sure my hair was always covering my ears. This became the perfect disguise.”
“Both my grandparents died within 9 months. I showed up to both funerals buzzed. I felt so abandoned by everyone that alcohol became my best friend. It was there for me when I was sad, anxious, even happy. Alcohol was the answer to my problems.”
“Would I ever hear my boyfriend say the words ‘I love you’ to me again? How was I going to have a career? ‘Perhaps you’d make a good audiologist.’ I wanted to help others.”
“I was never invited to a friend’s house. At lunchtime, I couldn’t keep up. I was slapped because I pronounced words wrong. No one else shared my struggle. I found my community and never looked back.”
“It was an adrenaline rush. In those brief seconds, the freedom was priceless. The thin line of scar down most of my back is a reminder of how I’ll always stay strong.”
“I woke up to the news my grandfather had passed away. And 3 hours later, I was signing my divorce papers. I decided I was done. I was done feeling sorry for myself.”
“My weight dropped dangerously low. Everything ached: my skin, my bones, my muscles. I destroyed myself. I’d never felt so weak, isolated, and depressed. I decided it was enough.”
