“5 minutes into our drive, he began crying but stopped. I found it odd. It was a cry I hadn’t heard before. The light turned red, I pulled over. In seconds, I was down on my knees in the middle of the road, holding my floppy baby. ‘God, this can’t be it. Please don’t take my baby away!’ Giving mouth to mouth, I screamed his name for him to wake up. When he ambulance arrived, Noah was going in and out of consciousness.”
“I will love them differently, but it’s never the same as your first. That’s why they say the first time for everything is so sacred.”
“When you met her she was fun, she was a size 6. Her hair was as wild as she was. You stared at her while she slept. Your eyes glowed, because you chose her. But somewhere along the way, that changed. Regret is forever, and if you don’t choose her, someone else will.”
“So, the ‘big talk’ was finished, right? Not even close. A year later, my son asked, ‘Mom, what is sex?’ after he heard a kid at school mention the word. I’d been patting myself on the back thinking my son was well-informed up to this point. I remember thinking, ‘Dear god, what if I’m too late?’ My instinct was to stall for time.”
“My son Wyatt waves from the grocery cart. My voice cracks. ‘Yes, he’s our first,’ I muster out. He smiles at us. My eyes tear up and immediately, I’m filled with guilt as I push the cart and walk away. The truth is, the real answer is much too complicated for a stranger. We have 5 children, but he is the first we brought home.”
“I remember riding the train and I felt like a stranger was living in my body. I didn’t feel like myself… I felt like my world was constantly spinning, I was beyond exhausted, no matter how much I slept, and I often found myself wearing sunglasses because the light bothered me so much. Before this, I didn’t even own a pair. I got a call from the Urgent Care. ‘You tested positive for Lyme Disease. You need to come get you an antibiotic.’”
“Around 4 p.m., I texted Becca to see if she was on her way. No reply. No big deal. At exactly 4:30, something changed. ‘I am sending someone to find you if you don’t call me back.’ It was as if every cell, idea, known fact in the universe shifted for me. It wasn’t of this world.”
“I lived in 2 different worlds. Five days a week I was in a picture-perfect home with a beautiful stay-at-home mom. But the remaining 2 days, I was in survival mode. I remember watching the clock tick by, counting down the time I had left in my safe haven before I’d have to get in the car and enter my second world. My biological dad had trained me well, so I kept his secrets. I’d stare at the window in my bedroom, hands on the frame, trying to build enough courage to slip out of it and run.”
“I was infertile, on birth control, had my period, and broken up with my boyfriend. There was absolutely NO WAY I was pregnant… right? I was absolutely out of my mind, crying, laughing.”
“My husband drove me down to the waterfront, my idea of motherhood now a pile of dust and rubble. Was I really made for this? We’d both been crying for several hours. He opened the envelope. ‘It’s a girl!’ his voice cracked. When they wheeled her away, we gave our final kisses. No matter how long she was with us, Shirley was a gift.”
