“The original doctor who discharged us asked what we were doing back. I wanted to slap him. You’re supposed to shield your child from awful things, not be a participant.”
‘He looked up at us and then dropped to the ground seizing. This time was different. I thought our nightmare was over, but the universe had other plans.’
‘Everyone talks about the positives, but we rarely hear of the negatives. How we check the test 3 minutes later, and then 30 minutes later to see if that magic second line made an appearance.’
“It starts with picturing you’ll be able to announce with something like ‘Red, White, and Due’ on the 4th of July. Then August and September pass and you decide it’s okay because announcing at Halloween is just as exciting. And then Halloween passes.”
‘My husband used to come home to find the girl on the right. A little rouge, a pretty top, a sexy bra. This girl on the right was sassy. This girl on the right was F-U-N.’
“She wanted you to come home to girl on the right. But no bueno. That crap, it didn’t fly.”
‘It’s 3 a.m. and you’d like a cookie? OKAY!’ It’s funny how my once-strict mother turned into the good witch from the Wizard of Oz, her tutu lined with snacks, the second her children were grown.
“I hear being a grandparent is the height of bliss. You get all of the benefits of enjoying children. You can spoil them rotten, discipline them rarely or not at all, and send them home to their parents as soon as you’re sick of watching Moana for the 82nd time this week. What’s not to love?”
‘My mom spent an hour in the driveway in and out of consciousness playing sidewalk chalk with my daughter. We left that night and I knew it would be the last time I saw her.’
“I had plans to go to her alone, but one hour before I left, I told my husband I needed him to come and that I wanted my daughter there too. I always had an intuition about her wellbeing.”
‘Do you know what women and mothers need? GIRLFRIENDS. Not in the Justin Bieber way, but in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants way. Except they’re yoga pants.’
“WOMEN NEED friends who can pig out on a big piece of cake and tell each other inappropriate jokes. That can grab our little cherubs and have a massive sleepover, binge watching TV shows with wine. Hands up if this is what you need.”
‘I grabbed my belly and screamed, ‘YOU’RE WRONG MY BABY GIRL IS FINE YOU WILL SEE!’ My heart started racing. I asked again, in a panic. ‘Please let me see my baby?!’
“A month after my first ultrasound, my boyfriend started getting sick. I finally made him go to the doctor because he started puking up blood.”
‘I didn’t love my daughter at first sight. I look at that picture and cringe. I just wanted to be left alone. I felt so heartless.’
“There the nurse was, taking this baby’s head and shoving it into my boob to start breastfeeding. ‘She’s your baby!’ I would tell myself, ‘just bond with her.’ I’ve made a huge mistake here.”
‘Fire burned in my eyes. He backed away. I pointed to the sink. ‘Oh yeah, I cleaned out my room.’ My eyes bulged.’
“‘WHYARETHEDISHESNOTINTHEDISHWASHER?’ Yes, I said it like it was all one word. ‘I dunno.’ My blood pressure shot to unsafe levels. Seventeen, yes, 17 cups in the damn sink. Not one. Not 5. Seven-fricking-teen.”
‘My daughter is my best friend, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.’
“I’m well aware that many parenting experts and the majority of the general public think it not wise to be your child’s friend. ‘You are their parent, not their friend,’ they say. What do I tell them? Nothing, because I don’t need them to approve of my parenting decisions.”
