“A scrumptious little boy was placed on my chest. I felt heart-stopping panic. ’This canNOT be my baby.’ I had prayed specifically against this. I thought things a mother should NEVER think.”
 
		 
		 
		  “A scrumptious little boy was placed on my chest. I felt heart-stopping panic. ’This canNOT be my baby.’ I had prayed specifically against this. I thought things a mother should NEVER think.”
 
		  “I was convinced there wasn’t anything ‘wrong’ with my son. I would have been called a ‘refrigerator Mom,’ meaning I was cold-hearted and had ‘thawed out’ long enough to reproduce, then not showing my child love, resulting in a diagnosis.”
 
		  “My contractions started suddenly, like five-minutes apart. I froze and went into shock. I remember my nerves taking over and my body shaking uncontrollably. ‘This baby needs to come out NOW.’ My heart became so heavy, it felt like it sank, and we just held hands and cried together.”
 
		  “My phone rang. ‘You’re a match!’ I stopped breathing for a brief moment. My BMI was still too high to donate. I tipped the scales at 297 pounds. The surgeon told me, ‘You need to lose more weight.’ I’d been searching for my ‘why’ for months. She needed me, and I needed her. Someone else’s life was now in my hands. I was called to save her.”
 
		  “The world will try to pressure you to hurry it all up. Good meaning people will chime in with advice on how to do your job better. As the world reopens and all the pressures start to return, remember, motherhood is not a sprint. It’s a marathon.”
 
		  “I got a text. ‘We left the gnomes on your porch. Thank you letting them keep my daughters company through the pandemic. It was very hard for them to say goodbye. They were well loved.’ What had I done?! Tears started running down my face.”
 
		  “One day, she stopped eating and cried most of the morning. I thought they would send me home with Tylenol. The doctor came in and said, ‘Pack a bag and go to the hospital.’ I had to go full steam ahead.”
 
		  “‘There’s nothing to worry about.’ I remember looking for clues. Nobody else did. Not the midwife, not our health visitor, not the doctors. Nobody. I didn’t want it to be true.”
 
		  “My youngest is 15 months old, and I wear compression socks. My 7-year-old calls my tummy ‘squishy,’ and I can’t hide the stretch marks. I struggle with hormonal swings and anxiety that made me message two doctors and a nurse friend today. No calendar date or finish line can return anything to how it was before.”
 
		  “I was a child learning I would never carry a child. I had the option for treatment. I would be upstairs doing this painful and intrusive act, while my family was desperately pretending I wasn’t. I felt defected and apologetic for not being ‘complete.’”