No Matter How Much Time Passes, I Will Forever Grieve My Mom

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“You are going to miss her.

No matter how long you’ve known that final goodbye was coming, you’ll never be ready.

You are going to miss her.

On the simple days when nothing special happens, and on the days when you want nothing more than to push the rewind button and go back to a day when she was here because she’s the only one you need.

You are going to miss her.

On the day you walk down that aisle into the arms of a man that loves you more than life, a man that is standing there searching the crowd to find you but you’ll be searching the crowd for her.

You are going to miss her.

When you find out you are pregnant and then when you meet the littlest love of your life, you’ll be thinking of her and only her.

You are going to miss her.

When the birthday parties pass by without her there, when the invitations to all the events get sent and her name isn’t on the list. When the Thanksgiving meal is being made and the kitchen is full of everyone but her. When the Christmas presents get picked and the one thing you want for Christmas you can’t have because heaven can’t even lend her to you for a day.

You are going to miss her.

When the seasons change, when the sun rises and sets, when the weight of the world is heavy on your shoulders and when the joy of this life is filling your soul.

You are going to miss her.

You are going to miss her in a million big ways and a million small ways.

You are going to miss her every single time that phone rings thinking maybe just maybe she’s calling.

You are going to miss her before she even takes her last breath and the second after she’s left this life for eternity.

You are going to miss her when your son’s laugh sounds just like hers or the random stranger walks by and for a second you would swear that it was her.

You are going to miss her when your baby asks where Nana lives.

From the minute she leaves, no matter how much times passes, you will forever miss her.

When people tell you to move on or get over it or that it’s been long enough, they won’t understand that you are going to miss her.

But somewhere in between all those moments where you are missing her, you will remember that missing her doesn’t mean you lost her.

Missing her doesn’t mean she’s gone.

Missing her simply means you just have to work a little harder to find her in the everyday moments because she’s there, she’s always been there right wherever you are, and that’s something that not even the distance between heaven and earth can change.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Nikki Pennington of Grief To Hope with Nikki Pennington. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.

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