“‘If you run away, the monster chases you but if you turn and face it, it runs away.’
I love this quote. I’m reading a book at the moment, ‘How to be Human – The Manual’ by Ruby Wax. We share the same sense of humor so it’s become an easy read.
I was given it years ago, but I never ‘got around’ to reading it.
Now there couldn’t be a better time for me to do it. The emotions you feel have a tremendous affect on the body.
I never realized how powerful my nervous system was, how it affects EVERYTHING, and how a thought process (negative or positive) in turn has a physiological affect on our bodies. My nervous system has been heavily compromised through trauma and experiences that happened continuously for the best part of 18 years.
I neglected it; the warning signs were there but I never slowed down. Slowing down meant time to think, time to think meant time to feel, time to feel meant time to get emotional, and I feared once I started I would never stop.
My body had done its job protecting me, but it couldn’t anymore. My nervous system was shutting down, it had enough. It told me I was struggling, yet instead of respecting it and channeling the negative energy through positive means of counseling, meditation, or even simply writing it down – I put ten layers of fake tan and make-up on, a dress and heels, and drank and danced ’til the sun came up. It was easier to forget than to remember.
The truth is, it’s not. It’s harder to keep burying sh*t, stop it from erupting, and continue putting on this face of always being happy. It’s easier to pretend than accept reality.
But eventually it does erupt. It could be months or years, but soon enough your emotions erupt and you end up in this downward spiral of depression and anxiety and all things in-between. You thought you were okay – you were moving on so you don’t know why it’s creeped back up.
Yeah, you lied to yourself. That’s it. You lied to mask this. You buried the emotions, feelings, and trauma so deep the numbness just became a part of you; you learned to live with it. You didn’t even notice it wasn’t supposed to be there anymore. It became your ‘normal.’
But your body and nervous system doesn’t forget. It remembers and knows exactly what’s going on. It stores the negative emotion – it holds on to it. Unless you release it positively or learn to change your mindset so your body knows how to exit protective mode properly and not feel constantly under attack, it will keep on happening.
I’m finally getting the help I need. I’ve turned to mediation, counseling, and starting a blog. You can express emotions in so many different art forms; if talking isn’t for you, paint your emotions. Write a song. Whatever makes you happy. There’s no right or wrong.
I’ve been told my nervous system being compromised for so long has made me more susceptible to Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). It was at a breaking point, on the verge of shutting down. It couldn’t protect me anymore. The bang to my head was just the icing on the cake.
Just face the emotions and the truth. Yeah, it can be sh*t, but in the long run it’s so much better and you’ll be doing yourself a favor. Your body can not carry that emotion and pain, and neither can YOU. Everything that happens in life is to teach us a lesson. We might not be ready to learn it but we have too. Your body and mind are a gift, do not abuse and neglect it.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by The Blondie Northerner of Northwest England. You can follow her journey on Facebook. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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