Ok, stepmoms… this is how a remarried dad really feels. And this is straight from the horse’s mouth!
1. I wanted the perfect family just as much as you did.
When we got married, I thought you were the answer to all of my problems and that you being in our lives would magically fix everything. I am just as heartbroken and disappointed as you are when things aren’t going the way we hoped they would.
2. The reason I get so upset when you complain about my “baggage” is because all I ever wanted was to give you the perfect life.
I wanted you to have everything you ever dreamed of. I wanted to be your prince charming. I can’t stand the thought you might not be happy or wish you would have made a different choice because of my past. It makes me feel like a massive failure.
3. If I could rewrite history, I would.
But I can’t, so please understand I am a fixer and it is extremely frustrating for me to keep talking about issues I can’t fix.
4. I don’t compare you or our marriage to the past.
In fact, I never even think about my past unless you bring it up. If it were up to me, I would never have to think about it. My heart and mind are 100% focused on the present and future.
5. Our firsts together are infinitely more meaningful to me than the “firsts” of my past.
You may feel like ours are less special because I’ve done it before, but the truth is, what should have been special was tainted and because of you I’ve gotten to experience it the way it’s supposed to be for the very first time.
6. From the outside, it may seem like I love my kids more than you, but don’t confuse responsibility with love.
Right now, my kids are completely dependent on me and I see you as an adult, fully capable of taking care of yourself. Sometimes, my obligations make it appear like they are more important to me than you are, but in reality, there is no place I would rather be than with you.
7. When you point out something negative about my kids and I get defensive, its because it hurts my pride and makes me feel insecure about my parenting.
When you bring up something bad about them it feels like you are saying something bad about me, because I see my kid’s faults as a reflection of my parenting.
8. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
When I feel like you’re coming at me, the conversation feels like a fight before it even begins. When you start a conversation in a respectful way, my heart and ears are open to anything you have to say.
9. This is all uncharted territory for me too.
I don’t know how to be in a blended family any more than you do. I know I’m not the best at communicating my feelings, but I need you to know I am doing the very best I can.
10. I realize guilt clouds my judgment sometimes.
Okay, a lot of the time. The truth is, I just don’t know how to handle feeling like ‘the bad guy.’ And sometimes I feel like giving up, because no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to make anyone happy.
11. In my heart, you are my number one.
My true sweetheart. The best thing that has ever happened to me. You always have been and always will be, even if my actions don’t always line up. I wish you would truly believe this in your heart.
A special thanks to my sweet, sexy husband for having the strength and vulnerability to share his feelings with all of us!
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Rachel Dunne, the Spiritual Stepmom. You can follow her journey on Instagram and her website. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
Read more from Rachel here:
11 Things You Should Know Before Marrying A Man With Children
An Open Letter To Soon-To-Be Stepmoms
Dear Stepparent, Your Partner Will Never Heal From Their Past If You Keep Rubbing Their Nose In It
One Of The Greatest Gifts You Can Give Your Stepchild Is The Freedom To Love And Adore Their Mother
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