Rebecca Balfe is a former editor for Love What Matters. She resides in NYC, owning and rescuing adorable cats. She is an avid Lupus fighter and advocate.

Rebecca Balfe is a former editor for Love What Matters. She resides in NYC, owning and rescuing adorable cats. She is an avid Lupus fighter and advocate.
“Before we had even met, we started off on the wrong foot. It began when Nick (my ex) and Savannah (his new girlfriend) were dating and took my baby to Disneyland. Savannah took a picture and posted it online. I was angry. It felt like someone was being the ‘replacement’ as Liv’s mom.”
“’How far along are you? You aren’t due til November!’ My mom thought I was playing a trick on her, but she could see I’d been crying. My worst fear had come true. I knew I’d hate myself if I never took any photos, so I took an abundance. I needed to have that for my son. The worst part? Knowing it was the first and last time I’d ever hold him again.”
“They wheeled me back. With a smile on a face I yelled, ‘See you soon!’ The next thing I remember, I opened my eyes and was completely alone in a very dark room. With tears in his eyes he told me, ‘We found a large tumor.’ I was in a nightmare. Oh, no. It can’t be. Brave face Amanda, brave face. I had TWO types of cancer. Absolutely no way. ‘There is some bad news, however.’ There was more bad news? It was too much.”
“I was having a quiet dinner with a friend. It felt like I had bitten my tongue, but I ignored it and continued our night. Little did I know, the pain I was feeling was my first clue to something much more sinister. I snuggled into my winter pajamas and closed my eyes. Less than an hour later, I awoke choking, short of breath, with a numb feeling on my tongue. I remember the fear and panic in her eyes as I choked on the antihistamine. I knew it wasn’t good.”
“He was a well-known pastor in our community. He made everyone happy, but could rarely connect on a deep level. When he finally let the truth come out, something shifted. The bold girl inside me showed up. I shoved him out of the house and slammed the door shut. While attempting to clean up the mess of my life, Blake was living one block away from, grieving the loss of his beautiful wife, Jenna.”
“I was struggling in secret, terrified someone would find out. Bit-by-bit, I was disappearing. ‘You don’t need to use your body to show you’re hurting.’ School no longer mattered, and a monster was being born. Everyone walked on eggshells around me. Then all of a sudden, my parents learned what was happening. They were shocked.”
“There it was in my phone bill. The proof that something was wrong. I found text messages to another number all hours of the night. I called to pay my power bill and was asked ‘which address’ I wanted to apply the payment to. Then I knew. He had two places he was living. Two separate lives. ‘Honey, he doesn’t deserve your love.’ I was sure I’d never marry again, until our blind date.”
“He had literally just set up the new number and a few minutes later he got my text. If I had sent that text in the morning, he would have never gotten it.”
“He sat on the couch next to me. HE STARTED CRYING! As soon as I stepped on the linoleum, I felt a HUGE gush! A puddle of bright, red blood. His face turned white, his eyes were huge. ‘Has he moved at all today? Could you feel him?!’ I felt my heart shatter. I had one job. All I had to do was keep my baby safe. This can’t be real, it’s a nightmare. ‘Taylor…I’m so sorry.’ We studied him so we wouldn’t forget anything. He was perfect. It actually surprised me.”
“‘I feel fat’ was one of my most commonly used phrases growing up. Most people worry about zits and grades, I was worried about staying alive. ‘You didn’t fight for so long to just give into the eating disorder now.’ Six months later, a woman walked into the store. She lit up. ‘Oh it’s you, you helped my daughter!’ I had no clue who she was. ‘My daughter is the one you talked to six months ago!’ Not only was she doing better, but she was ready to share her story ‘like the girl in Lawrence.’ How proud it made me.”