LJ Herman is a former editor at Love What Matters and lives in Colorado. LJ is a concert, ticket and technology enthusiast. He has seen the Dave Mathews Band over one hundred times and counting.

LJ Herman is a former editor at Love What Matters and lives in Colorado. LJ is a concert, ticket and technology enthusiast. He has seen the Dave Mathews Band over one hundred times and counting.
“’She has a few markers that are consistent with Down syndrome.’ I felt like someone told me my entire family had just died. I felt like I was in a nightmare. ‘I’m not equipped to handle this.’ I listened to my nurse talk about her twin brother with Down syndrome. I couldn’t believe it. That was the first moment where I felt, ‘Maybe I can do this.’”
“My daughter was 12 and I still wasn’t married. My hopes of having children dwindled away. Suddenly, the cutest little 3-month-old boy entered my life and instantly stole our hearts. ‘His aunt wants to adopt him.’ They dropped a bombshell on me. ‘I have been his mommy. Nobody else was there through the sleepless infant nights. It has been me all this time, loving him.’ I felt like my heart had been shattered.”
“I stand there for a moment, clutching those two bottles in each hand, silver lids removed. I’m angry. I’m sad. ‘Why did you do this, Kara? Why?’ I need you to know, as devastating as The Decision has been for all of us, I will fulfill my promise to you. I bet you didn’t know it would force me back here, to a magical place I equally loathe and love. But here we are. It’s been 340 days.”
“I had it all — the cars, the house, the material things. When I got married, I ignored all of the glaring red flags and thought maybe he would change. The truth of the matter was he was not the right person for me. I had no idea how to get out. I felt stuck. What would I do if I left? It took me a while to realize my happiness was worth so much more than any financial security or material comfort.”
“I was alone when they told me. I do remember carrying my still squirming baby boy up the stairs to his room and collapsing on the ground next to his dresser, unable to move, unable to even cry. A strange thing happened during this time. I grew up. I got tough. To the rest of the world, it was a defect, but to us, it was precious.”
“She withdrew into her own world. I would stand right in front of her, screaming her name. She didn’t even acknowledge I was there. The doctors called it autism. It was still up to me to figure out how to make it better. I pushed everyone away, including my husband. A mother is only as well as her sickest child.”
“I can look drunk. I may walk into a grocery store and barely stumble out. I was even accused of thinking I was ‘better than everyone else’ or I ‘don’t have children’ because of what I do for my husband. I choose to stay positive.”
“You should know I was adopted. After I moved in with my new family, I realized how lucky I was to be there. All the love and food I could ever want! They were all looking at me while they were attempting to sing. Wait a minute… is it MY birthday? On the counter was a huge birthday cake with writing on it.”
“‘It’s taking too long!’ Then she was quiet. I was quiet. When I took the tests again– 3 more in fact–they all came back positive! [days later – weeks later], I called my husband. He knew if I called during a meeting, it was urgent. ‘Hello?’ he answered. ‘We lost the baby,’ was all I could get out before weeping and shaking.”
“If you do this, Kara, my daughter is going to ask me if she is going to die, too. I reply, ‘Everyone does die eventually.’ She is going to ask me if she will die soon or when she is bigger. I will have to admit mommies don’t actually know everything. If you do this, everyone who loves you will have their own heartbreaking story to tell about how they must now go on without you.”
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