“Social media sees me on a Caribbean island right now, drinking fruity drinks, floating in the ocean. While everyone was still waking up, I walked the beach. I was angry. I need more answers than that! Moments later, I found a beat-up dime floating in the ocean. I cried painful tears. ‘This is what I am doing to you.'”
“We rushed to the doctor. I was sadly met with little concern. ‘There is nothing we can do. Let nature take its course, what will be, will be!’ I chose the natural route. I wanted to keep her with me for as long as possible. A scan showed the baby had grown further, but her heart remained still. ‘No Zoe, sadly your baby hasn’t miraculously come back to life. Yes, we know you had hoped it would happen.’”
“I was ‘infertile,’ had zero pregnancy symptoms, and had my period every month. I even took 2 pregnancy tests weeks before and they both came back negative! I was in a bathroom at my sister-in-law’s house, thinking I had period cramps. ‘Whaaaaa!’ I pushed again and somehow had a placenta in my hand. ‘How is this real?!’ It all happened so fast.”
“I started dating Matt, my future husband, and quickly learned he lived with his grandmother. I didn’t want Nana to think less of me. But several months into our relationship, she bought new sheets and extra pillows for Matt’s bed — point taken!”
“Our father, who wasn’t around for our life, provided her a hotel room on Christmas Eve. While she was thankful for that, we could never understand how he could let her be homeless. We could never understand his non-emotion. My dearest sister was left to die in the cold.”
“I was never able to wrap you in a blanket and breathe you in. I’ll never comfort you when you’re sad, scared, or hurt. But I carried you. I knew you. And when I began losing you, when you started to leave my body much too early, a part of me went with you. I hope you know you would have fit right in with us. I hope you feel us. Because we will never stop loving you.”
“She came up behind me. Distracted by my full hands, I didn’t see her at first, but he did. I felt him tense up. He buried his little face in my shoulder and shouted, ‘No!’ I saw someone reaching for him. ‘Looks like he doesn’t want to go to you.’ She looked offended and tried to tickle him instead. ‘No!’ He screamed again.”
“The social worker sent me a message. She was cleaning out her office and found one of my son’s baby pictures, taken months before we met him. I had never seen him make that facial expression. I wondered who took it. Where was he? There is so much I don’t know. But I do know, one day this will be so be important to him.”
“If his restaurant order is better, he’ll switch plates. He knows all my favorite ‘lady products’ and will run to the pharmarcy for me. He unloads the groceries while I sit with the seat warmers on. Every time. I wasted years looking for the love shown in movies, disappointed time and time again, instead of paying attention to how HE loves.”
“Suddenly, I heard a gunshot and felt intense pain in my stomach. I couldn’t feel my baby moving anymore. The last thing I remember, I was being wheeled in for an emergency c-section, all eyes on me. When I finally saw my daughter, I could tell she was fighting. In my arms, her body started to fade to purple. ‘When you finally say enough is enough, she will be put to rest.’ Still, I held her through each breath. I was at a complete loss of words.”
