“I tried to go on with life pretending nothing was wrong, while keeping this enormous secret, but ultimately couldn’t think about anything else. His birth was bittersweet. I held him, sobbing, as I signed away my rights as his mother.”
‘I found out I was pregnant one month after I turned 19 years old. ‘The second line is faint. You’re very early in your pregnancy,’ the nurse said. I had not even missed a period yet. Utterly shocked.’
‘Our life came to a halt. Our son was gravely ill. Looks can be deceiving. I tell him how guilty I am. His eyes become glassy. ‘I’m OK. I have a son,’ he says with a smile. I begin to sob.’
“As we pack up our belongings and head to the car, my husband can tell something is off. The moment we get into the car, I break down. We had been faced with the unimaginable. Two of our children passed away.”
‘My husband tucked her in. She whispered something. I knew what was coming. I wrenched out of bed. I was a sleep-deprived new mom with an overworked husband and no family nearby.’
“I walked into the living room. Her proud, dancing eyes locked onto mine. She always cried. It became my mantra, whispered to myself on the darkest of days when I desperately needed a light at the end of the tunnel.”
‘I was pale as a ghost. I had to wear a mask to see my son. Yet nothing was ‘officially’ wrong with me. ‘I love when you play games with me when you are healthy,’ he said. That crushed me.’
“I was almost positive I was having a stroke. Half my face became numb and I was unable to speak. I couldn’t breathe. I would sadly be forced to observe my son from a distance under my umbrella while he played in the ocean with others. I felt like I was watching his life pass from afar, and I couldn’t join in.”
‘She was HIV+ and we knew she was our daughter. Time stopped when we saw her. She was absolutely beautiful and perfect, but her oversized clothes hung loosely on her tiny frail body.’
“We were looking for a child with HIV. When we learned she was positive, we KNEW she was the one. She was 2 years old and only weighed 15 pounds. I started seeing a trauma counselor. James learned how to breath in public again, knowing no one was coming after us. Then BAM – Morning sickness!”
‘I got pregnant too early in my relationship. I went home on my lunch break, positive test in my pocket. I was terrified to hand it over to him, but knew I had to. What were we going to do?’
“I started feeling ‘off’. I burst into tears. Everyone insisted I was just anxious. All I could do was pray my blood pressure went down, and my placenta hung in there. 30 seconds into my scheduled ultrasound, my doctor told me she was taking me to the operating room.”
‘My mom called, softly crying. ‘I took a lot of pills. I love you. It’s not your fault.’ I screamed into the phone, trying to keep her awake until the paramedics reached her.’
“Time slowed. She had just been laughing and joking on the way home. By the time I got to the hospital, she was nearly unrecognizable. Over the next 5 days, she went in and out of consciousness.”
‘I went to a play date at someone’s house. Almost the moment I stepped through the front door, the mom giggled, ‘Mimosa time!’ and my body froze up.’
“I wasn’t prepared for this. I was so caught off guard, I probably looked like a deer in headlights.”
‘I received a random card with a note. ‘I pray for you every day.’ My job is very hard to do. People don’t understand that. Special education is a totally different ball game.’
“My students come into the classroom yelling, hitting, kicking, and screaming. Many people assume we do the work for our kids because they think they can’t do it themselves. Not everyone is cut out for this kind of classroom.”
‘I went into my son’s room to wake him. I could sense something wasn’t right. I remember the pallor of his face as I turned him over. Grey. Porcelain.’
“I screamed my husband’s name. ‘His stomach is warm!,’ I said out loud. I fell over my baby’s body. Air escaped his throat in a tiny wheeze that sounds like a coo. ‘He made a noise!’ Their faces fell. ‘It’s from the CPR.’ ‘It happens.’ They were trying not to fall apart.”
