“There was a sinking feeling. We loved this little girl and her parents so much. We thought it was everything we dreamt of. It’s the most confusing feeling to grieve the loss of something we never really had while at the same time being happy for this family we fell in love with.”
“‘She’s fallen asleep. Should I carry her to bed?’ Lunchtime. My phone pings again. ‘She’s woken up. What should I give her for lunch?’ I tell him she likes the pre-made pouches of baby food in the cupboard. Another text. ‘I can’t find the pouches.’ I can’t wait for Daddy to realize that staying at home isn’t all about box sets and playtime.”
“At one point, I was told not to hold her too close because my warmth and heartbeat would confuse her body into staying alive.”
“In addition to planning two funerals, my husband and I were left with a room full of baby items. Three boppy pillows, three bouncers, enough diapers for three little babies. I waited in line to return it all. The grief took a hold of me.”
“I was at the courthouse when he told me his wife was busy hauling their 8-year-old daughter, who is a few years older than my daughters, to after school activities. Let me see if I remember this correctly. His daughter partook in ten activities. You didn’t read it wrong. TEN.”
“I’ll never forget the words he said. ‘Knowing what his brain looks like, I can’t believe he is talking like this.’ I went to my car and cried. I cried tears of joy and tears of relief. And if I’m being honest, a few tears of fear. By early May, it was confirmed.”
“It’s safe to say things didn’t go as planned.”
“I asked him if he would come to the hideout so we could talk. No adult knew about it. He met me there, and I told him I was gay. ‘I don’t want to date a guy, that’s disgusting!’ I was devastated.”
“I could tell it had been days since she was able to get clean. She had a lot of items that would normally be left at a house. I could see her staring at the ground. We drove past her. I looked away, and felt shame rush over me.”
“The day she died was the day we got the email that we had won the tickets. I asked if we could still use it for my girls, even though one was now my angel baby. It felt like the perfect thing to honor and remember her. A simple no would have been okay with me, but their words felt like a stab to the heart. The bear lost its meaning to me.”
