“I’m in Starbucks. I manage a smile and lie. ‘Soon.’ I rush out the door, no coffee in hand, and cry in my jeep. ‘When are you having kids?’ ‘Have kids already!’ ‘I’m ready to be a grandma. The clock is ticking!’ they say. But when I stillbirth? No questions, words. Just silence. My husband battles silent resent. ‘No baby, no marriage.’ These weren’t the vows I signed up for.”
“I can’t ever prepare myself for the times my son will find her picture and ask who she is. It’s someone he should know. Once I catch my breath, I tell him the same story I tell him every time.”
“On the last trimester of my pregnancy, I talked with the Dean. ‘I don’t have any support system near me, my husband works full time and takes night courses. I’m supposed to graduate next year. I don’t want to fall behind.’ She looked me in the eyes and said, ‘Tell me who your professors are next semester. I will talk with them personally.’”
“If Rachel did not survive this battle, I had to be there for her children—Sophia and Henry—who meant the world to her. I had no choice but to be healthy. While my sister could not control her cancer diagnosis, I could control the food I was putting in my body every day.”
“I walked in the door of their beautiful, suburban dream house. I looked up to see a woman whose body would’ve made Heidi Klum look like a hobo. She was so thin. She looked tired, as you would expect, but there wasn’t an ounce of baby weight left on her barely a few months postpartum. I instantly judged myself.”
“It’s in striving to understand and love those who see the world differently, and believe different things than we do. It’s in inviting those who are standing alone into our conversation, even if it makes you feel sweaty and awkward. It’s in standing up for what is good and noble and true.”
“‘I am upset I won’t be able to walk my daughter down the aisle like I’d always hoped.’ They asked, ‘Why can’t you just be a butch lesbian?’ My great grandmother’s response when I walked in was, ‘Oh isn’t he handsome!’ All she wanted was to make sure I was happy. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me.”
“Oh, you lost all your baby weight and started exercising 2 weeks after giving birth? Great, but I just gave birth and my vagina in still swollen and bleeding. You have 3 kids and wake up at 4 a.m. to exercise? Impressive, but sometimes depression means I’m just trying to get through the day without giving up on life.”
“On our way home from the ER, I stopped to get my children lunch. The attendant asked me the usual questions. I have a child of each gender. Boys get Hot Wheels, girls get Barbies. My bruised-eye boy likes Barbies and playing with them doesn’t make him less of a man.”
“James called to tell me he would be a while longer, it was already getting dark. He said, ‘I love you kitty, I’ll be home late.’ I can see myself standing in the kitchen on the phone with him, I can feel the emotion like it’s happening now. When the phone rang around 11 p.m., I knew he was dead. It was happening all over again.”
