“I thought I’d pop in and check on my son. My child is a happy child and lights up when he sees me. I got there and he was asleep on the couch. I tried waking him up and he would barely open his eyes. knew something was wrong. When I began examining his head, I noticed it was swollen. Richard said my son fell off a rocking chair, but that my son was ‘acting fine’ so he didn’t call me.”
“A dark thought crossed my mind. ‘Maybe David will die, and we’ll be able to forget this whole thing ever happened.’ As soon as that thought came, it was quickly followed by another. ‘God, please, please don’t let my baby die!’”
“I never get pimples on my back. Never… but occasionally my body says, ‘Hey, remember what it’s like to be 14? Well here’s an eruption for you. I got a real big juicy one right in the middle of my back.’ I think it’s all good because, she’s a woman, she will get it. He says, ‘Laura?’ Real slowly. I sigh and say, ‘Yep that’s me.’ FML. No no no No. NO.'”
“I woke up 15 minutes later, still delirious when my doctor opened the door. I sat in silence. Click…click…click. The silence continued. I knew something wasn’t right. I put one arm on his back and one over my eyes and began to sob. I am a ‘fixer’ and I couldn’t fix this.”
“It was horrific. Todd and I decided to separately seek counseling. We were no longer in a relationship, but we knew that we had to be the best co-parents to the girls. That same year, we were engaged to be married on our original wedding anniversary…again.”
“But they fail to mention how that baby grows. That little one who once rested so perfectly upon your chest doesn’t fit there quite so well anymore. And you forget to hold the baby. But that babe, your growing babe, still needs you.”
“They expected her last breath to happen any moment. An hour goes by. A nurse still by my side waiting to call time of death. The doctors are shocked. We all are. We were not expecting this.”
“But as I would learn, I wasn’t actually alone.”
“I knew everything that was wrong with me. I didn’t need a list to point them out in black and white. I’d known since I was little. And I was over it. 35 years of that mess was enough. So, I deleted everything, and I started blank.”
“I got married in the hospital chapel with our closest friends and family. Little CJ got to come out of the NICU to be the tiniest ring bearer in history. His nurses brought him in a little wagon with all his tubes and machines in his preemie tux.”
