“During church, I kept feeling my phone vibrate. After the third call, I decided to step into the hall. I noticed a voicemail from a friend. ‘Hannah, we have a liver. I need you to call me back NOW.’ The phone slid out of my hand and dropped to the floor. In complete shock, I whispered, ‘I got the call, Mom,’ as tears started running down my face. She went ghost white. At 5.am. they strapped me down to the operating table. ‘No, I can’t do this. I want out.’ I lost it.”
“It gets worse every year.”
“She was just lying there with medications keeping her heart going and a ventilator breathing for her. All I could do was hold her hand and talk to her, tell her how much I loved her, how much those three babies need her, and beg her to come back to us. “
“I’d had her as my student for nearly 100 days. Instead of spewing my stance, ‘Ummm, there are two genders. God made man and woman,’ I surprised myself. Direct eye contact ceased, and eyes darted to shoes. ‘I thought you’d be upset.’ The next moments will be etched in my mind forever.”
“I believe I told you ‘just shove it in, and pray,’ which I immediately wanted to follow-up with, ‘That’s what she said.’ I heard the bag filled with grapes, strawberries, and blueberries tumble to the ground. Without hesitation, you told me to let you clean it up and you would be right back out with fresh replacements. I didn’t want to accept the help, but I knew I needed it.”
“A man approached us. My Shoeshine Boy flinched. I saw money change hands. ‘Why did you do that?’ I asked. ‘For protection.’ His face crumpled. ‘He is with me,’ I boomed. Then Mama showed up at my door. ‘Even if it is only for a few months. Show him how to change his life.’ I felt her words like a slap in the face.”
“‘Dear excited pregnant mom, you think you’re tired now? Just wait until your baby won’t sleep, your nipples ache, and you fight with your husband nonstop. You’ll probably get depressed, never get your body back, your house will always be a disaster, and your social life with disappear.’ Why is this the basic ‘welcome to motherhood’ letter being sent out? I received it. Many of my friends did. I suspect you did, too.”
“They were neighbors, classmates since kindergarten. As a father, you cross your fingers teenage boys and men in her life will respect and protect her. She didn’t know it, but 6,000 miles away, tragedy would strike and change her life forever.”
“They tried to run an IV through my swollen, bruised hands. I nearly passed out. I remember someone slapping my cheek a little. I was completely naked on the table, shaking uncontrollably. We heard the doctor say, ‘Baby.’ There was no crying, no sound at all. The first time we got to hold him was also the last.”
“They don’t tell you you’re going to cry. A lot. You dropped that pacifier on the floor? Might as well throw in the towel. According to your postpartum brain, your partner will NEVER do it right. Your ‘friends’ will drop you like it doesn’t even phase them. You’ll check your baby’s breathing every few minutes. Whether you breastfeed or formula feed, it hurts. Someone will always have something to say.”
