“After delivering my first child at 15, I was left with a body I didn’t recognize – heavier, softer, and covered in stretch marks. I wallowed here. I was molested here. I hid underneath men’s clothes, 2 sizes too big. Anything to deflect sexual attention. I am more than my body, but this vessel is not less important because its existence has been perverted and misused since the beginning of time.”
“He said in a gentle voice, ‘Can we talk to you both in the conference room?’ I knew we were going to receive life-changing news. ‘What more could go wrong?’ I wanted to not be me. Most moms dream of that euphoric moment when their precious baby is delivered into their arms. I did too. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the dream. I got the nightmare. The daughter I had dreamed up was gone.”
“I was still a single mom of a boy with autism living in a 2-bedroom apartment. My son was all grown. In comes this short, little peanut with those blue wrap-around glasses, all wide-eyed and ready to go. ‘I want to take him home.’ I couldn’t even get the words out before I started bawling!”
“She looked terrible. Her usually pink skin was a greyish-blue. Her belly was huge and so stretched out, you could see every vein. She wasn’t moving on the operating table. With mascara-stained tears streaming down my cheek, I held on to her a little tighter.”
“The constant thought of, ‘I should just crash my car into a tree,’ kept playing in my mind. I was thinking of every way possible to leave Molly and go back to the way my life once was. I was scared to be left alone with Molly. I didn’t trust myself, and I was scared to admit it to anyone. Scared people would always think of me as ‘the crazy chick that wanted to hurt her baby.'”
“She was 7. As you can imagine, when I came home pregnant at 14, I was terrified. It was my choice to either silence her or lean in. I leaned.”
“I will never forget that first day having to leave him. I came home and cried because I was afraid he wouldn’t be understood. But he came out full of smiles and handed me a picture. One I knew he couldn’t have done by himself. He’d done it with his special needs assistant. I will always remember she said to me, ‘Mom, we did it together. And he chose red. I think it may be his color.’ And she was right. It still is.”
“At one point, we were little girls dreaming of the day when we would be smart, successful, bold, brave, and strong. We would become doctors and lawyers and presidents. Then, the world told us what really matters most for girls: how we look.”
“I noticed this ugly wooden chair amongst some of the furniture for sale. I guess it just looked the way I felt, on the verge of snapping in some places. Much like grief, I was just going to have to live with this chair for a while. It’s become such a fitting analogy. At the end of the day, it was still just a broken place to sit.”
“He had blood-soaked gauze around his head. ‘Is that a bone sticking out of his arm?’ Sean had been in a motorcycle accident. I sat beside his bed listening to the ventilator push air through his body. I need you. Your boys need you. I know you’re in there, but you have to show these doctors that. I’m going to go home. When I get back in the morning, you need to wake up.'”
