“She wanted to dress like Elena of Avalor for church today. Which is why, at 35 years old, I fight my instinct to say ‘no’ to magic as often as possible. I want my children to savor the weirdness of their childhood as long as the world will allow it. I want my daughter to believe in goblins and fairies and princess warriors.”
“He was showering after a long day with our kids and happened to leave his phone on the table. Unlocked. For some reason, I felt compelled to look at his messages. I scroll up, hoping to see some cute old texts we sent months back. I wanted to re-read them, to smile. What I saw, made me want to cry. The person he was texting was a very broken woman.”
“I watched as Bradley Cooper’s character glanced at the camera and pulled down the garage door. I couldn’t breathe. I knew what he was going to do. I knew what he was feeling. I glanced at my husband, who was now sound asleep. I started to cry. I knew those feelings intimately. It has been 4 years for me.”
“My doctor saw blood and wouldn’t even attempt to check if my baby was alive. ‘WHAT?! You’re not doing an ultrasound? Blood work? Doppler?’ He shook his head no. ‘There is no use. You’re losing your baby.’ He dismissed us without emotion and left. The next day, we went to the OB to confirm the miscarriage. WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP. The nurse burst in, full-on sobbing. We were urged to terminate the pregnancy.”
“I pulled up his profile, scrolled through his pictures, and hit the add button. I waited for at least 3 days. No message, no anything. I went back to assuming he just added ’random blondes.’ I finally decided I would make the first move. I didn’t want my daughter to wind up even more heartbroken.”
“I hear the sound of a huge dog clambering down the wood floor hallway. If toddler silence is a dangerous sound, this is the doggy equivalent. I chased her around the house trying to dislodge a slice of Meat Lovers. Then I saw the flames. The kids come running in. ‘FIRE! FIRE! WHAT’S OUR ESCAPE PLAN?’ We don’t have one, but bet we do by this afternoon.”
“She was picture perfect, blonde hair, blue eyes, so cliché. But around 3 months, we noticed something different. Her hair was growing straight up, not flattening down. It glistened in the light. ‘What’s wrong with her hair?’ Complete strangers would peer into her stroller, stare, take pictures without asking. One lady said, ‘Your daughter looks just like Doc Brown, the crazy scientist from Back to the Future!’ Our little girl was so special.”
“The one thing I was ‘known for’ was being taken from me. I vividly remember I’d have to hide in the bathroom before school started, practically unable to function, dragging myself to my classroom at the last minute. I felt entirely numb. I felt absolutely nothing. How could I not be graduating? It was my senior year!”
“I started seeing a shift. He was moody, had bouts of rage. He was volatile. Every moment felt like walking on eggshells. I felt constantly on edge, waiting on the next blow up. He was always tired. I mentioned all this to the pediatrician. Nothing fit. I was losing my sweetheart of a boy. Finally, I said, ‘What about Celiac?’”
“My first thought was, ‘They have the wrong boy.’ My son loves school! Frustrated, I yelled, grounded him. Then, the next morning, I heard it. Sobs coming from the shower. ‘Mom, I’m not feeling okay.’ He told me he felt extremely depressed. That it was so bad he contemplated killing himself and had skipped class to find a quiet space to cry alone and breathe. Instantly, I felt a pang in my heart.”
