Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone
“‘He’ll never walk away, He’ll never break her heart, He’ll take care of things, he’ll love her
Piece by piece, he restored my faith, that a man can be kind and the father should be great.’ Piece by Piece, Kelly Clarkson.
This almost didn’t happen.
I know that sounds crazy. You are probably wondering, ‘What does she mean?’ As much as I hate to admit it, I almost let my past ruin the best thing that has ever happened to my daughter and myself.
Facebook. Everyone always asks how we met; it was on Facebook. He requested to be my friend; I did not add him for DAYS. His profile picture was from far away, we only had, maybe, six mutual friends, I assumed he was just one of those guys who added every single blonde on their ‘people you may know’ suggestions. I was at work one day talking with a co-worker, she asked when the last time I had been on a date was, I told her it had been a VERY long time. She laughed and told me, ‘if you go on a date within the next week, I’ll buy your lunch one day.’ I remembered my mystery guy’s friend request, I don’t know why he popped into my head… I pulled up his profile, scrolled through his pictures, realized he seemed like a pretty cool guy, and hit the add button!
I waited for at-least three days, and no message, no anything, so I went back to assuming the ’add random blondes’ thing again. I finally decided that I would make the first move (see screen shot below).
I was right, I had just shown up on his ‘people you may know.’ Anyway, we eventually exchanged numbers, and that weekend we were meeting for dinner in Hawkinsville. I did not want anyone knowing I was on a date, when you’re a single mom people ask too many questions (sorry mom & dad). I was SO nervous. I can tell you exactly what we were both wearing, which parking spots we parked in, and the booth we sat in.
We had the normal first date conversations… well, I talked, he pretty much just listened because if you know me, you know I will talk your dang head off. I don’t know what came over me, but, I just randomly decided to tell him ‘You know, I’m not looking for a dad for my daughter, I am doing fine taking care of her alone, but if this is something that winds up being a good thing, you will be someone she looks up to as a role model, so please just be sure you’re ready for that, if we decide to see where this goes.’ The whole time I’m thinking to myself, that there is NO way in heck this handsome guy, who has a career, a good life, no attachments, is EVER going to want to be serious with a girl with a kid. After the date ended, we said our goodbyes and I genuinely didn’t think I would ever see him again.
Y’all, I found out recently he told his parents about me the night of our first date. THE NIGHT OF OUR FIRST DATE! I didn’t tell my parents, or anyone, about him for almost three weeks. I was SO scared he was going to change his mind.
Letting My Guard Down For Love
I have had my share of just people in general changing their mind. I had my guard up. I didn’t realize how strong my walls were. I didn’t want to wind up heartbroken, but I really didn’t want my daughter to wind up even more heartbroken.
He asked to meet her after we had been on a few dates, I froze. Was this happening? Was this actually happening?? I let her pick where we went to dinner… she picked Waffle House, but Cochran only has a Huddle House, so we compromised and convinced her that Huddle House was just as good. (That’s not true by the way, Waffle House is 100x better than Huddle House). I let her wear her shirt that says, ‘Wild Child,’ I wanted to be sure he was warned. They talked about princesses, hunting, sports, and played peek a boo under the table. He asked her if she would want to go look at Christmas lights a few nights later, of course she said yes. That was such a good night.
An Unbreakable Bond
I have watched their relationship blossom the last few years. He is her favorite person. She wants to do everything he does. He has stepped up in so many ways, more than I ever expected. He has helped me clean up puke in the middle of the night, pulled loose teeth, kissed boo-boos, held her while she was in the hospital, been her biggest fan at field day, takes her to school, been her trick or treating partner, but most importantly, he hasn’t left.
She still checks his dresser drawers sometimes to make sure his clothes are still there, if she wakes up and he’s not here, she instantly wants to if he’s coming back. I hate that she has that mindset. I hate that someone walked away from her and in doing that, has caused her to have these questions. A seven-year-old should not have to worry about whether or not her daddy is leaving her or not. Jacob always reassures her that he isn’t leaving her like that, that he is her daddy for as long as God gives him.
Marriage And Adoption
We got married in September 2017, and in March 2018, he officially ADOPTED her. He CHOSE her. The smile on her face that day was beautiful. She was so full of joy.
I am so thankful that God heard my prayers for so many years. I am so thankful that he brought Jacob to us. I didn’t let my past win. For the first time in a long time, I lived in the moment, and I let God dictate my every move.
You are exactly what we prayed for. You are our light at the end of the dark tunnel. You were meant to be her daddy. I will forever be thankful you took a chance on two girls from an hour away. Happy Father’s Day babe! We love you so much! You were meant to be a girl dad!
To all of my single mamas out there still waiting:
Please, be patient. There is someone out there. Every struggle you have faced will be worth it. Your light is coming. Keep pushing forward, keep praying, and keep the faith. Your time will come when you really aren’t expecting it. I know how you feel, I know you’re hurting and struggling, but I promise it DOES get better. In the meantime, raise your babies up, enjoy the extra snuggles, soak up every little moment. I am praying for you.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Amanda Byram, 29, of Georgia. You can follow her journey on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
Read more from Amanda here:
‘Can I sleep with you tonight mommy?’ I still get chills thinking about it. I cried my eyes out.’: Mom swears her child is ‘the reason I am alive,’ after traumatic relationship leaves her contemplating suicide
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